Альбом Eminem

(Same announcer as the first Public Service Announcement on the Slim Shady LP): 
Announcer: This is ANOTHER public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady. 
Eminem: (whispered): tell em i don't give a fuck 
Announcer: Slim Shady does not give a FUCK...what you think! 
Eminem: tell em to suck it 
Announcer: If you don't like it, you can suck his fucking cock! 
Eminem: tell em they kissed my ass 
Announcer: Little did you know, upon purchasing this album, you have just kissed his ass! 
Eminem: tell em i'm fed up 
Announcer: Slim Shady is fed up with your shit...and he's going to kill you! 
Eminem: yeah 
Announcer: uh...anything else?
Eminem: Yeah...SUE ME. 

[Eminem]
When I just a little baby boy,
my momma used to tell me these crazy things
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man,
she used to tell me he hated me
But then I got a little bit older
and I realized, she was the crazy one
But there was nothin I could do or say to try to change it
cause that's just the way she was

They said I can't rap about bein broke no more
They ain't say I can't rap about coke no more
(AHHH!) Slut, you think I won't choke no whore
til the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!
(AHHH!) These motherfuckers are thinkin I'm playin
Thinkin I'm sayin the shit cause I'm thinkin it just to be sayin it
(AHHH!) Put your hands down bitch, I ain't gon' shoot you
I'ma pull +YOU+ to this bullet, and put it through you
(AHHH!) Shut up slut, you're causin too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a slut, okay Ma?
"Oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing a whore,
snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?"
You god damn right BITCH, and now it's too late
I'm triple platinum and tragedies happen in two states
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches
vain Vicadin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN! [*chainsaw revs up*]
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all
danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts
Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts

[Chorus: Eminem]

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gon' never stop beefin I don't squash the beef
You better kill me! I'ma be another rapper dead
for poppin off at the mouth with shit I shouldn'ta said
But when they kill me - I'm bringin the world with me
Bitches too! You ain't nuttin but a girl to me
.. I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (cause why?)
Cause Shady, will fuckin kill you (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (why?)
Cause Shady, will fuckin kill you..

[Eminem]
Bitch I'ma kill you! Like a murder weapon, I'ma conceal you
in a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you
Buck with me, I been through hell, shut the hell up!
I'm tryin to develop these pictures of the Devil to sell 'em
I ain't "acid rap," but I rap on acid
Got a new blow-up doll and just had a strap-on added
WHOOPS! Is that a subliminal hint? NO!
Just criminal intent to sodomize women again
Eminem offend? NO! Eminem insult
And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse
to do it again, THEN, if he does it again
you'll probably end up jumpin out of somethin up on the 10th
(Ahhhhhhhh!) Bitch I'ma kill you, I ain't done this ain't the chorus
I ain't even drug you in the woods yet to paint the forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times
in a tub but that's normal ain't it Norman?
Serial killer hidin murder material
in a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of our medicine
out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in

[Chorus (first line starts "Or I'ma kill you!")]

[Eminem]
Eh-heh, know why I say these things?
Cause lady's screams keep creepin in Shady's dreams
And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these shrinks
this eighty G's a week to say the same things TWEECE!
TWICE? Whatever, I hate these things
Fuck shots! I hope the weed'll outweigh these drinks
Motherfuckers want me to come on their radio shows
just to argue with 'em cause their ratings stink?
FUCK THAT! I'll choke radio announcer to bouncer
from fat bitch to off seventy-thousand pounds of her
from principal to the student body and counselor
from in-school to before school to out of school
I don't even believe in breathin I'm leavin air in your lungs
just to hear you keep screamin for me to seep it
OKAY, I'M READY TO GO PLAY
I GOT THE MACHETE FROM O.J.
I'M READY TO MAKE EVERYONE'S THROATS ACHE
You faggots keep eggin me on
til I have you at knifepoint, then you beg me to stop?
SHUT UP! Give me your hands and feet
I said SHUT UP when I'm talkin to you
YOU HEAR ME? ANSWER ME!

[Chorus]
[first line starts "Or I'ma kill you!", ninth line starts "Bitch I'ma kill you!"]

[Eminem]
Hahaha, I'm just playin ladies
You know I love you

[Chorus: Dido]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

[1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background]
[2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; [*screaming*] Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
[*car tires squeal*] [*CRASH*]
.. [*brief silence*] .. [*LOUD splash*]

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!

Em, what's goin' on...It's Paul...ahhm...Dre gave me a copy of the new album...and...I just...sigh...Fuck it. 

I never knew I..
I never knew I..
Mic check one-two
I never knew I..
Who woulda knew?
I never knew I..
Who'da known?
I never knew I..
Fuck would've thought
I never knew I..
Motherfucker comes out
I never knew I..
and sells a couple of million records
I never knew I..
And these motherfuckers hit the ceiling
I never knew I..

[Eminem]
I don't do black music, I don't do white music
I make fight music, for high school kids
I put lives at risk when I drive like this {*tires screech*}
I put wives at risk with a knife like this (AHHH!!)
Shit, you probably think I'm in your tape deck now
I'm in the back seat of your truck, with duct tape stretched out
Ducked the fuck way down, waitin to straight jump out
put it over your mouth, and grab you by the face, what now?
Oh - you want me to watch my mouth, how?
Take my fuckin eyeballs out, and turn em around?
Look - I'll burn your fuckin house down, circle around
and hit the hydrant, so you can't put your burning furniture out
(Oh my God! Oh my God!) I'm sorry, there must be a mix-up
You want me to fix up lyrics while the President gets his dick sucked?
[*ewwww*] Fuck that, take drugs, rape sluts
Make fun of gay clubs, men who wear make-up
Get aware, wake up, get a sense of humor
Quit tryin to censor music, this is for your kid's amusement
(The kids!) But don't blame me when lil' Eric jumps off of the terrace
You shoulda been watchin him - apparently you ain't parents

[Chorus: Eminem]

Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd effect this kid
I never knew I'd, get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd, get him to hit this bitch
I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd effect this kid
I never knew I'd, get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd, get him to hit this bitch

[Eminem]
So who's bringin the guns in this country? (Hmm?)
I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet gun through customs over in London
And last week, I seen a Schwarzaneggar movie
where he's shootin all sorts of these motherfuckers with a uzi
I sees three little kids, up in the front row,
screamin "Go," with their 17-year-old Uncle
I'm like, "Guidance - ain't they got the same moms and dads
who got mad when I asked if they liked violence?"
And told me that my tape taught 'em to swear
What about the make-up you allow your 12-year-old daughter to wear?
(Hmm?) So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words
when his bus driver's screamin at him, fuckin him up worse
("Go sit the fuck down, you little fuckin prick!")
And fuck was the first word I ever learned
up in the third grade, flippin the gym teacher the bird (Look!)
So read up, about how I used to get beat up
peed on, be on free lunch, and change school every 3 months
My life's like kinda what my wife's like (what?)
Fucked up after I beat her fuckin ass every night, Ike
So how much easier would life be
if 19 million motherfuckers grew to be just like me?

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I never knew I.. knew I'd..
have a new house or a new car
A couple years ago I was more poorer than you are
I don't got that bad of a mouth, do I?
Fuck shit ass bitch cunt, shooby-de-doo-wop (what?)
Skibbedy-be-bop, a-Christopher Reeves
Sonny Bono, skis horses and hittin some trees (HEY!)
How many retards'll listen to me
and run up in the school shootin when they're pissed at a
teach-er, her, him, is it you is it them?
"Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again!"
Damn! How much damage can you do with a pen?
Man I'm just as fucked up as you woulda been
if you woulda been, in my shoes, who woulda thought
Slim Shady would be somethin that you woulda bought
that woulda made you get a gun and shoot at a cop
I just said it - I ain't know if you'd do it or not

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
How the fuck was I supposed to know?

Eminem: Heyyy!
Steve: Hey, Em, what's up?
Eminem: Steve Berman. What's goin' on, man, how you doin? Good to see you again. What's up?
Steve: Em, could you come here and have a seat, please?
Eminem: Umm, yeah, what's...
Steve: Vannessa, shut the door.
Secretary: Okay.
Eminem: So what's up? How's orders looking for the first week?
Steve: It would be better if you gave me nothing at all.
Eminem: Wh-
Steve: This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this fucking record. 
Eminem: Wha-
Steve: Do you know what's happening to me out there?
Eminem: Wh-wha-what's the problem?
Steve: Violent Ground told me to go fuck myself!
Eminem: Who's Violent...?
Steve: Tower Records told me to shove this record up my ass! Do you know what it feels like to be told to have a record shoved up your ass?
Eminem: But, I-
Steve: I'm gonna lose my fuckin' job over this. You know why Dre's record was so successful? He's rappin' about big-screen tv's, blunts, 40's and bitches. You're rappin' about homosexuals and Vicadin.
Eminem: I mean-
Steve: I can't sell this shit!
Eminem: What-
Steve: Either change the record or it's not coming out!
Eminem: What, I-
Steve: Now get the fuck out of my office!
Eminem: What am I supposed-
Steve: NOW!
Eminem: Alright man, whatever.

[Eminem]
Whatever..
Dre, just let it run
Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit
Aiyyo.. this song is for anyone.. fuck it
Just shut up and listen, aiyyo..

I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
the most meanest MC on this -- on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
all this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest
and I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
but at least have the decency in you
to leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
in the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
to not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick
if you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you (of all you)..
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me

[Chorus: Eminem]

And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

[Eminem]
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
with all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -
- the song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
and it seems like the media immediately
points a finger at me (finger at me)..
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
when you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
with the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
and they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn).. and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
havin this happenin (this happenin)..
then attack Eminem cause I rap this way (rap this way)..
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire
to burn and it's burnin and I have returned

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
that I wish that I would just die or get fired
and dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is.."
And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation
to cop me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)..
to deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black cause I talk
with an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin
the same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)..
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. I can't take it
I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for ev-ery fan that I get
But I can't take a SHIT, in the bathroom
without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole I'm glad

[Chorus (except change first word "And" to "Cause")]

[Eminem]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem
[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes [*SLURP*]
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [*AHHH!*]
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"
with his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus 2X]

[Eminem]
Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up

[*spray can being shook up and sprayed several times*]

[RBX]
Remember me? ("Step in, execution")
Remember me? ("I have no remorse")
Remember me? ("I'm 'High Powered'")
Remember me? ("I drop bombs like Hiroshima")

For this one it's the X, you retarded?
Cause I grab the mic and get DOWN, like Syndrome
Hide and roam into the masses, without boundaries
which qualifies me for the term "universal"
Without no rehearsal, I leak words that's controversial
Like I'm not, the one you wanna contest, see
cause I'll hit yo' ass like the train did that bitch
that got "Banned From TV" -- heavyweight hitter
Hit you watch your whole head split up
Loco-is-the-motion, we comin through
Hollow tips is the lead, the .45 threw

[Sticky Fingaz]
Remember me? ("Throw ya gunz in the air!")
Remember me? ("Slam! Slam!")
Remember me? ("Nigga 'Bacdafucup'")
Remember me? ("Chka-chka-Onyx!")

Niggaz that take no for an answer, get told no
Yeah I been told no but it was more like, "No, no, no!!!"
Life a bitch that'll fuck you if you let her
Better come better than better to be a competitor
this vet is ahead of,
The shit is all redder, you deader and deader
A medic instead-a the cheddars and credda
Settle vendetta one metal beretta from ghetto to ghetto
Evidence? NOPE! Never leave a shred-of
I got the soul of every rapper in me, love me or hate me
My moms got raped by the industry and made me
I'm the illest nigga ever, I told you
I get more pussy than them dyke bitches Total
Want beef, nigga? PBBT! You better dead that shit
My name should be "Can't-Believe-That-Nigga-Said-That-Shit"
Probably sayin, "He ain't a killer", but I'm killin myself
Smoke death, fuck bitches raw, on the kitchen floor
So think what I'ma do to you, have done to you
Got niggaz in my hood who'd do that shit for a blunt or two
What you wanna do, cocksuckers? We glock busters
'Til the cops cuff us, we'll start ruckus and drop blockbusters
'Round the clock hustlers, you cannot touch us
I'm gettin wires niggaz wantin me dead, wantin my head
You think it could be somethin I said? {*echoes*}

[Eminem]
Remember me? ("I just don't give a fuck!")
Remember me? ("Yeah, fuck you too!")
Remember me? ("I'm low down and I'm shifty!")
Remember me? ("I'm Shady!")

When I go out, I'ma go out shootin
I don't mean when I die, I mean when I go out to the club, stupid
I'm tryin to clear up my fuckin' image,
so I promised the fuckin critics
I wouldn't say "fuckin" for six minutes
(*click* Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
My baby's mom, bitch made me an angry blonde
So I made me a song, killed her and put Hailie on
I may be wrong, I keep thinkin these crazy thoughts
in my cranium, but I'm stuck with a crazy mom
("Is she really on as much dope as you say she's on?")
Came home, and somebody musta broke in the back window
and stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats
Sick sick dreams of picnic scenes, two kids, sixteen
with M-16's and ten clips each
And them shits reach through six kids each
And Slim gets blamed in Bill Clint's speech to fix these streets?
FUCK THAT! PBBT! Tou faggots can vanish to volcanic ash
and re-appear in hell with a can of gas, AND a match
Aftermath, Dre, grab the gat, show 'em where it's at
(What the fuck you starin at, nigga?)

Don't you remember me?!
Remember me?!!
Remember me??!
REMEMBER ME!!!!

[Chorus: Eminem repeat 4X]

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm Back)
I'm Back (I'm Back) (SLIM SHADY!) I'm Back

[Eminem]
I murder a rhyme one word at a time
You never, heard of a mind as perverted as mine
You better, get rid of that nine, it ain't gonna help
What good's it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?
I'm waitin for hell like hell shit I'm anxious as hell
Manson, you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's jail
I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve
Thirteen I was puttin shells in a gauge on a shelf
I used to, get punked and bullied on my block
'til I cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this kid's mailbox
{"Mom! MOM!"} I used to give a - fuck, now I could give a fuck less
What do I think of suc-cess? It sucks, too much press I'm stressed
Too much stares two breasts, too upset
It's just too much mess, I guess I must just blew up quick (yes)
Grew up quick (no) was raised right
Whatever you say is wrong, whatever I say is right
You think of my name now whenever you say, "Hi"
Became a commodity because I'm W-H-I-
-T-E, cuz MTV was so friendly to me
Can't wait 'til Kim sees me
Now is it worth it? Look at my life, how is it perfect?
Read my lips bitch, what, my mouth isn't workin?
You hear this finger? Oh it's upside down
Here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I take each individual degenerate's head and reach into it
just to see if he's influenced by me if he listens to music
And if he feeds into this shit he's an innocent victim
and becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe
{*vocal scratches*} My name is Slim Shady
I been crazy way before radio didn't play me
The sensational {*vocal scratch "Back is the incredible!"*}
With Ken Kaniff, who just finds the men edible
It's Ken Kaniff on the, internet
Tryin to, lure your kids with him, into bed
It's a, sick world we live in these days
"Slim for Pete's sakes put down Christopher Reeve's legs!"
Geez, you guys are so sensitive
"Slim it's a touchy subject, try and just don't mention it"
Mind with no sense in it, fried to get so frenetic
whose eyes get so squinted, I'm blind from smokin 'em
with my windows tinted, with nine limos rented
Doin lines of coke in 'em, with a bunch of guys hoppin out
all high and indo scented {*inhales, exhales*}
And that's where I get my name from, that's why they call me

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I take seven (kids) from (Columbine), stand 'em all in line
Add an AK-47, a revolver, a nine
a Mack-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
and that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time
Cause (I'mmmm) Shady, they call me as crazy
as the world was over this whole Y2K thing
And by the way, N'Sync, why do they sing?
Am I the only one who realizes they stink?
Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think?
Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?
It's why I tend to block out when I hear things
Cause all these fans screamin is makin my ears ring (AHHHH!!!)
So I just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
longer than the rumor that I was stickin it to Christina
Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
it'd be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!
I'm sorry Puff, but I don't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother
I still fuck her with no rubber and cum inside her
and have a son and a new brother at the same time
and just say that it ain't mine, what's my name?

[Chorus]

[Eminem {*vocal scratching*}]
Guess who's b-back, back
Gue-gue-guess who's back (Hi mom!)
{*scratch*} Guess who's back
{*scratch*} Gue {*scratch*} guess who's back
D-12 {*scratch*} Guess who's back
Gue, gue-gue-gue, guess who's back
Dr. Dre {*scratch*} Guess who's back
Back back {*scratch*} back
{*scratch*}
Slim Shady, 2001
I'm blew out from this blunt (*sighs*) fuck

[Eminem]
You know I just don't get it
Last year I was nobody
This year I'm sellin records
Now everybody wants to come around like I owe em somethin
Heh, the fuck you want from me, ten million dollars?
Get the fuck out of here

[Chorus One: Eminem]

You see I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy,
I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a fuck before,
all they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run they mouth
and try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

[Eminem]
Yo, you might see me joggin, you might see me walkin
You might see me walkin a dead rottweiler dog
with it's head chopped off in the park with a spiked collar
hollerin at him cause the son of a bitch won't quit barkin
(grrrr, ARF ARF) Or leanin out a window, with a cocked shotgun
Drivin up the block in the car that they shot 'Pac in
Lookin for Big's killers, dressed in ridiculous
blue and red like I don't see what the big deal is
Double barrel twelve gauge bigger than Chris Wallace
Pissed off, cause Biggie and 'Pac just missed all this
Watchin all these cheap imitations get rich off 'em
and get dollars that shoulda been there's like they switched wallets
And amidst all this Crist' poppin and wristwatches
I had to sit back and just watch and just get nauseous
and walk around with an empty bottle of Remi Martin
startin shit like some 26-year-old skinny Cartman ("God damnit!")
I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin
with instincts to kill N'Sync, don't get me started
These fuckin brats can't sing and Britney's garbage
What's this bitch retarded? Gimme back my sixteen dollars
All I see is sissies in magazines smiling
Whatever happened to whylin out and bein violent?
Whatever happened to catchin a good-ol' fashioned
passionate ass-whoopin and gettin your shoes coat and your hat tooken?
New Kids on the Block, sucked a lot of dick
Boy/girl groups make me sick
And I can't wait 'til I catch all you faggots in public
I'ma love it.. (hahaha)
Vanilla Ice don't like me (uh-uh)
Said some shit in Vibe to spite me (yup)
Then went and dyed his hair just like me (hehe)
A bunch of little kids wanna swear just like me
and run around screamin, "I don't care, just bite me" (nah nah)
I think I was put here to annoy the world
and destroy your little 4-year-old boy or girl
Plus I was put here to put fear in faggots who spray Faygo Root Beer
and call themselves "Clowns" cause they look queer
Faggot2Dope and Silent Gay
Claimin Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away (fuckin punks)
And I don't wrestle, I'll knock you fuckin faggots the fuck out
Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out
after they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out
(AHHH!) Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they truck, blaow!
Look at y'all runnin your mouth again
when you ain't seen a fuckin Mile Road, South of 10
And I don't need help, from D-12, to beat up two females
in make-up, who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails
"Slim Anus," you damn right, Slim Anus
I don't get fucked in mine like you two little flaming faggots!

[Chorus Two: Eminem]

Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm not a wrestler guy,
I'll knock you out if you talk about me (you talk about me)
Come and see me on the streets alone
if you assholes doubt me (assholes doubt me)
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me (your best shot at me)

[Eminem]
Is it because you love me that y'all expect so much of me?
You little groupie bitch, get off me, go fuck Puffy
Now because of this blonde mop that's on top
and this fucked up head that I've got, I've gone pop?
The underground just spunned around and did a 360
Now these kids diss me and act like some big sissies
"Oh, he just did some shit with Missy,
so now he thinks he's too big to do some shit with MC Get-Bizzy"
My fuckin bitch mom's suin for ten million
She must want a dollar for every pill I've been stealin
Shit, where the fuck you think I picked up the habit?
All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her mattress
Which is it bitch, Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?
It doesn't matter your [attorney Fred Gibson's a] faggot!
Talkin about I fabricated my past
He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his ass (Uhh!)
So tell me, what the hell is a fella to do?
For every million I make, another relative sues
Family fightin and fussin over who wants to invite me to supper
All the sudden, I got 90 some cousins (Hey it's me!)
A half-brother and sister who never seen me
or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV
Now everybody's so happy and proud
I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's house
Hey-hey! And then to top it off, I walked to the newsstand
to buy this cheap-ass little magazine with a food stamp
Skipped to the last page, flipped right fast
and what do I see? A picture of my big white ass
Okay, let me give you motherfuckers some help:
uhh, here - DOUBLE XL, DOUBLE XL
Now your magazine shouldn't have so much trouble to sell
Ahh fuck it, I'll even buy a couple myself

[Chorus One (2X)]

[Ken Kaniff]I'm gonna call this motherfucker. Oh fuck yeah. Give him a piece of mind. A piece of my ass. 
[Operator]Thank you for waiting. Hello, may I help you. 
[Ken Kaniff]Oh thank you. I need to make a collect call. 
[Operator]What number? 
[Ken Kaniff]Oh the number is **6-2*** 
[Operator]At the tone, please say your name. 
[Ken Kaniff]Kenneth Kaniff, from Connecticut. Automated piece of shit. 
[Eminem]Yo. 
[Ken Kaniff]Hey there, cock boy. 
[Eminem]Who's this? 
[Ken Kaniff]This is Ken Kaniff. 
[Eminem]Who? 
[Ken Kaniff]Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, you little bitch. 
[Eminem]From Connecticut? I don't know nobody in Connecticut. 
[Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you wanna get a hotel room with me? 
[Eminem]A hotel room? 
[Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, Eminem? 
[Eminem]Yo, who is this, K? 
[Ken Kaniff]You want me to fuckin melt in your mouth and not in your hand? Melt in your ass you little cock boy. 
[Eminem]Yo, shut up you little bitch. 
[Ken Kaniff]Oh, you think I'm lying huh... 
[Eminem]Hahahahahaha

[Girl] Yeaaah, hahahaha...whooooo, shit!
[Em] (aight)
[Eminem] Guess what? I ain't coming in yet...
I'll come in a minute
[Eminem] Ayo...This is my love song...it goes like this

[Eminem]
Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark
And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl
And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my pre-diction is you're gonna probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinning
You're beginin' to think women
are swimming in pink linen again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of Guiness is finished
You are now allowed to officially slap bitches
You have the right to remain violent and start wilin'
Start a fight with the same guy that was smart eyin' you
Get in your car, start it, and start drivin'
Over the island and cause a 42 car pile-up
[Em's spaceman voice]Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot
Look at the life on this planet, sir, no sign of it
All I can see is a bunch of smoke flyin'
And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it
Let me out of this place
I'm outta place
I'm in outer space
I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
'Cause every time I go to try to leave
Something keeps pullin' on my sleeve
I don't wanna, but I gotta stay
These drugs really got ahold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "no"
They won't let me ever let them go
I'm a sucka all I gotta say
These drugs really got ahold of me

[Eminem]
In third grade, all I used to do
Was sniff glue through a tube and play rubix cube
17 years later I'm as Rude as Jude
Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I've got no game
And every face looks the same
They've got no name
So I don't need game to play
I just say whatever I want to whoever I want
Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want
However, I do show some respect to few
As ecstacy got me standing next to you
Getting sentimental as fuck spillin' guts to you
We just met
But I think I'm in love with you
But you're on it too
So you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "yo, what the fuck we do?"
I gotta go bitch
You know I have stuff to do
'Cause if I get caught cheatin' then I'm stuck with you
But in the long run
These drugs are probably going to catch up sooner or later
But fuck it, I'm on one
So let's enjoy
Let the X destroy your spinal cord
So it's not a straight line no more
'Til we walk around looking like some wind-up dolls
Shit's sticking out of our backs like a dinosaur
Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more
So bye for now
I'm going to try to find some more

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all wollow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow you're probably going to want to do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend? Screw it
And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?
And what's a little fight?
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life
Live it however you wanna
Marijuana is everywhere
Where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're going
'Cause none of the shit is going to mean shit where we're going
They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring
Even though you wake up feeling like shit every morning
But you're young
You've got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw
Parties to crash
Sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't
I would have did more shit that people said that I shouldn't
But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated
Did better drugs and updated
But I've still got a lot of growing up to do
I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew
But when it's all said and done I'll be 40
Before I know it with a 40 on the porch telling stories
With a bottle of Jack
Two grandkids in my lap
Babysiting for Haley while Haley's out getting smashed

[Chorus 2x]
[Same as previous, but 2nd time the last line is repeated like this]

Drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me
'Cause drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me

(kill kill kill)
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum.. dum
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, duh-da-da-da-da
(kill kill kill)
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum.. dum
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, dumm..
(kill kill kill)

[Chorus: Eminem]

Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-damnit he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle
[{HE'SSSS} - on repeats only]

[Eminem]
I get lifted and spin til I'm half-twisted
Feet planted and stand with a grin full of chapped lipstick {*SMACK*}
Pen full of ink, think sinful and rap sick shit
Shrink pencil me in for my last visit
Drink gin til my chin's full of splashed whiskers {*whoosh*}
Hash whiskey and ash til I slap bitches {*smack*}
Ask Bizzy, he's been here the past six years
Mash with me you'll get in imagine this

[Chorus 2X]

[Bizarre]
I fucked my cousin in his asshole, slit my mother's throat
{*AHHHHHHHH!*} Guess who Slim Shady just signed to Interscope?
My little sister's birthday, she'll remember me
For a gift I had ten of my boys take her virginity
{*Mmm mm mmm!*} And bitches know me as a horny ass freak
Their mother wasn't raped, I ate her pussy while she was 'sleep
Pissy-drunk, throwin up in the urinal (YOU FUCKIN HOMO!)
That's what I said at my dad's funeral

[Chorus 2X]

[Eminem]
That's why the city is filled with a bunch of fuckin idiots still (still)
That's why the first motherfucker poppin some shit he gets killed (killed)
That's why we don't call it Detroit, we call it Amityville ('Ville)
You can get capped after just havin a cavity filled (filled)
Ahahahaha, that's why we're crowned the murder capital still (still)
This ain't Detroit, this is motherfuckin Hamburger Hill! (Hill!)
We don't do drivebys, we park in front of houses and shoot
and when the police come we fuckin shoot it out with them too!
That's the mentality here (here) that's the reality here (here)
Did I just hear somebody say they wanna challenge me here?? (huh?)
While I'm holdin a pistol with this many calibres here?? (here??)
Got some registration and just made this shit valid this year? (year?)
Cause once I snap I can't be held accountable for my acts
and that's when accidents happen,
when a thousand bullets come at your house
and collapse the foundation around and they found you
and your family in it (AHHHHH!)
GOT DAMNIT HE MEANT IT WHEN HE TELLS YOU

[Chorus 2X]

Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum..

[Dre]
Yeah whattup Detroit?
[Snoop]
Nu-uh, nu-uh nuh-no he didn't!
Ahhh! They didn't do it again,
what-what, what-what?
Did you shit on these niggaz two times Dr. Dre?
[Dre]
Oh fo' sho'!
[Snoop]
Uh-uh, naw, ya smell that?
This is special right here
What-what, what-what-what?
Yeah, it's a toast to the boogie baby
Uhh, to the boogie-oogie-oogie
Yeah, y'know! What's crackin Dre?

[Dr. Dre]
Just let me lay back and kick some mo' simplistic pimp shit
on Slim's shit and start riots like Limp Bizkit (Limp Bizkit)
Throw on 'Guilty Conscience' at concerts
and watch mosh pits til motherfuckers knock each other unconcious
(Watch out now!) Some of these crowds that Slim draws
is rowdy as Crenshaw Boulevard when it's packed and fulla cars
Some of these crowds me and Snoop draw +IS+ niggaz from Crenshaw
from Long Beach to South Central
[*LOUD SCREAM*] Whoa, not these niggaz again
These grown-ass ignorant men with hair-triggers again
(Hehe) You and what army could harm me?
D-R-E and Shady, with Doggy from Long Beach
(East-syde!) Came a long way, to makin these songs play
It'll be a wrong move, to stare at me the wrong way
I got a long uz', and I carry it all day
(Blaow!) Sometimes it's like a nightmare, just bein Andre,
but I..

[Snoop Dogg]
somehow, someway - tell 'em, nigga
You know about Dogg-ay (Snoop Dogg)
Now let me cut these niggaz up and show em where da fuck I'm comin from
I get the party crackin from the shit that I be spittin son
Hit-and-run, get it done, get the funds, split and run
Got about fifty gungs, and I love all of 'em the same - bang bang!
Damn baby girl what's your name?
I forgot - what'd you say it was? Damn a nigga buzzed
Hangin in the club, with my nephew Eminem
(Whassup Slim?) Whattup cuz? (Whattup Snoop?)
The Great White American Hope, done hooked up
with the King of the motherfuckin West coast, bay-bayy!

[Chorus: Nate Dogg (+Snoop)]

And you don't really wanna fuck, with me
Only nigga that I trust, is me
Fuck around and make me bust, this heat
[Snoop] That's, the devil, they always wanna dance

[Xzibit]
I'm the Head Nigga In Charge, I'm watchin you move
You're found dead in your garage, with ten o'clock news coverage
Gotta love it, cause I expose the facade
Your little lungs is too small to hotbox with God
All jokes aside, come bounce with us
Standin over you with a twelve gauge, about to bust
It's like ashes to ashes and dust to dust
I might leave in the bodybag, but never in cuffs
So who do you trust? They just not rugged enough
When things get rough I'm in the club shootin with Puff
Bitch, please - you must have a mental disease
Assume the position and get back down on your knees - c'mon

[Chorus 2X]

[Eminem - impersonating Snoop]
Awww naww, big Slim Dogg
Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long
Back up, in the, heezy BAY-BAY
He's Sha-day!

[Snoop]
He's so cra-zay!

[Eminem]
Hahaha! Gimme the mic, let me recite, 'til Timothy White
pickets outside the Interscope offices every night
What if he's right? I'm just a criminal, makin a living
off of the world's misery - what in the world gives me the right
to say what I like, and walk around flippin the bird
Livin the urban life, like a white kid from the 'burbs
Dreamin at night of screamin at mom, schemin to leave
Run away from home and grow to be as evil as me
I just want you all to notice me and people to see
that somewhere deep down, there's a decent human being in me
It just can't be found, so the reason you've been seeing this me
is cause this is me now, the recent dude who's being this mean
So when you see me, dressin up like a nerd on TV
or heard the CD usin the fag word so freely
it's just me being me, here want me to tone it down?
[*LOWER pitch*] Suck my fuckin dick, you faggot
You happy now? Look here

[Eminem - impersonating Snoop]
I start some trouble everywhere that I go (that I go)
Ask the bouncers in the club cause they know (cause they know)
I start some shit they throw me out the back do' (the back do')
Come back and shoot the club up with a fo'-fo' (a fo'-fo')

[Chorus 2X]

[Xzibit]
2001 and forever
Slim Shady, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, X to the Z, Nate Dogg
C'mon, yeah!!

[Eminem]
Aww look at daddy's baby girl
That's daddy baby
Little sleepy head
Yesterday I changed your diaper
Wiped you and powdered you.
How did you get so big?
Can't believe it now your two
Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
Sit down bitch
If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you

[Eminem]
(Eminem as Kim)
(Okay)
Don't make me wake this baby
She don't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you?
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time
At first, I'm like all right
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place, are you out you're mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at Kim
Look at your husband now!
(No!)
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the fuck up!
(You're drunk! You're never going to get away at this!)
You think I give a fuck!
Come on we're going for a ride bitch
(No!)
Sit up front
(Well I can't just leave Haley alone, what if she wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk

[1] - So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you

[Repeat 1]

You really fucked me Kim
You really did a number on me
Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
That's fucked up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kiddin' you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bullshit you bitch don't fucking lie to me
What the fuck's this guy's problem on the side of me?
Fuck you asshole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the fuck could you do this to me?
(Sorry!)
How the fuck could you do this to me?

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
I said get out bitch!
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Haley and leave)
Fuck you, you did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm crackin' up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk that you threw up all over Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense, doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
And during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is goin' on
His son just woke up and he just walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
So now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note
I should have known better when you started to act weird
We could've...HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it bitch, no one can hear you?
Now shut the fuck up and get what's comin to you
You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*}
NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!
BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

[Eminem]
Translation
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick - ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass
so the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin him
I'm like a fuckin wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin the fuck outta everything I come across in the halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin
[Swifty] Bitch it's too late
[Eminem] Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains

[Swifty]
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my 'gators
My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an'
I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face [*BLAM*]
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgive me"
I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga, face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin, I make the president get a facelift
Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets
Chillin in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight

[Chorus: Eminem]

So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick

[Bizarre]
I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire
Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired
Fuckin your bitch in the ass with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] (Damn!)
[*DJ reverses the record and scratches it back on beat*]
I'm fuckin anything when I'm snortin
It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortion
[*dog whines*] Some bitch asked for my autograph
I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom

[Proof]
Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack
Weed laced with somethin [*gun cocks*] nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherfuckin pockets, ASAP
I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half theif and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
and found chopped up in a trash bag

[Kuniva]
We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell
cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cuz I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys
If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo.."
I leave ya face leakin, run up in church
and smack the preacher while he's preachin
Take a swing at the deacon

[Kon Artis]
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my tent
with the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run
Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me none
Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some one's
'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Haha.. suck my motherfuckin dick
D-12.. Dirty motherfuckin Dozen
Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Haha, and Slim Shady..

[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a

CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave

[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]

I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one

[Eminem]
My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word nigga
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

[Interlude Skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there
[Em] Aight
I'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
Yo Em
[Em] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fuckin money in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you
Hurry the fuck up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask

[Chorus 2X]


[thanks to [email protected] for correcting these lyrics]

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for today
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady

[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, fucked up, right now..)