Альбом Weird Al Yankovic

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat

Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere

Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

All right!

Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane
Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door
And I'm back in the very same place I was before

Now I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

And I can't bust out and I can't break free
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me
And I can't go home and I can't get loose
And I try to escape but it's just no use

And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win
And we're runnin' outta air and the walls are closin' in
And I can't go back and I can't get through
But Vanna since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you

Come on Vanna, come on!

Ow, buhhh

Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then
See, I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest
And I'm falling and falling and I guess you know the rest

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White
N-n-n-night after night after night night night

Then I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White

This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long

Couldn't think of any lyrics
No I never wrote the lyrics
So I'll just sing any old lyrics
That come to mind, child

You really need words
Whole lotta rhyming words
You gotta rhyme so many words, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it, to do it right, child

This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long

I know that you're probably sore
'Cause I didn't write any more
I just didn't get to complete it
So that's why I gotta repeat it

This song is just six words long (six words long)
This song is just six words long (six words long)

Oh I make a lotta money
They pay me a ton of money
They're payin' me plenty of money
To sing this song, child

I gotta fill time
Three minutes worth of time
Oh, how will I fill so much time, mm-mm
I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo
A solo, a solo here

This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long

This song's got nothin' to say
But I'm recording it anyway
I know if I put my mind to it
I know I could find a good rhyme here

Oh, you gotta have-a music
You need really catchy music
This song has got plenty of music
But just six words, child

And so I'll sing' em over
And over and over and over
And over and over and over, mm-mm
And over and over and over
And over and over and over again

Six words long, six words long
Six words long, six words long
Six words long, six words long

This song is just six words long
It's just six words long

You make me wanna slam my head against the wall
You make me do the limbo
You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall
You make me watch the Gong Show
There's really something kinda strange about you
Baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts
You make me wanna phone home
You make me wanna write a dozen book reports
Then pack myself in styrofoam
Sometimes you make me want to build
A model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park
Then take my hamster to the beach
You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark
And use a recommended bleach
When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study
Neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
You make me wanna break the laws of time and space
You make me wanna eat pork
You make me wanna staple bagels to my face
Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
You know there's something quite unusual about you
But I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do-do-do-do-do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do to me

Isn't it strange
Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror
What would people say
If only they knew that I was

Part of some geneticist's plan (plan-plan-plan)
Born to be a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
There in a petri dish late one night
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Look at the way
We go out walking close together
I guess you could say
I'm really beside myself

I still remember how it began (gan-gan-gan)
They produced a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
Born in a science lab late one night
Without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon copy man
Livin' in stereo, it's all right
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza so I say

I think I'm a clone now
Another one of me's always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
I've been on Oprah Winfrey - I'm world renowned
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
That's my genetic twin always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)

La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you
'Samatta you, 'samatta you

You should-a taste my lasagna
Ay, you no like-a lasagna
That's okay too
How about-a calzone
Some-a nice minestrone, ats good for you
Have-a some marinara
Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like
I know-a you like, I know-a you like

La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna

Would you like some-a zucchini
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat
Have-a more fettuccini
Ay, you getting too skinny, you gotta to eat
Ay, mange, mange

(gargling)

Ay, you-a pass the lasagna
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig
Have-a more ravioli
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a big
Like you cousin Luigi
Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan

La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna

Hey
Hey

(laughing)

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building
I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap
I knew she had to be the girl for me
And to think I probably never would have found her
If I hadn't bought that telescope

Oh, Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I just can't understand it
Why won't you return my phone calls
Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat
If you'd just say the word
I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever
Or are you too dumb to realize that

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me
How can you ignore me when you know that I can't live without you
I have to go through your garbage
Just to learn more about you

Melanie, ooh
Oh sweet Me-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name
Across my forehead
You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true
I couldn't stand it so I jumped out
From the sixteenth story window
Right above you
Now I may be dead but I still love you

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet, sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

Here she comes now, wants her alimony
Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony
Workin' three jobs just to stay in debt now
Well, first she took my nest egg then she took the nest
I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)

(Yeah) 'Cause she took my house (alimony), my car (alimony)
My shoes (alimony) and my toothbrush too (alimony)
Too bad (alimony), so sad (alimony)
Ah-she got (alimony), got the gift of grab (alimony)
I'm in debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt)

Lawyer's callin' me on the telephony
Tryin' to squeeze some blood from a stonee-stony
Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah
Then she took me for everything, yeah everything
She could get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get)

(Get) Well I'm out of cash (alimony), no dough (alimony)
I'm broke (alimony), it's no joke (alimony)
The check's in the mail (alimony), get off (alimony)
My back (alimony), cut me some slack (alimony)
I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)

(Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Oh you do
(Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Is it due
(Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Or you'll sue
(Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony)

Alimony (yeah), mony (yeah)
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)

Wow

(cash register "ching")

(Alimony, alimony, alimony) I said (alimony)
Come on, come on, come on

Alimony, alimony, alimony
Bleed me dry (alimony)

I said no (no), oh no (no)
No (no), no (no), no (no), no (no), no (no)

My life, it used to be incomplete
‘Till I saw what I was looking for at a drive-in swap meet
My life it won't be the same again
Now I'm proud to say the king lives on inside my den

Oh, it's all I live for, it's all I need
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis means the world to me

Although he may not be worth much dough
He means much more to me
Than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh
Check out those sideburns, there's nothing greater
You can tell that he's no velvet Elvis imitator

Oh, it's all I live for, it's all I need
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis
Oh, now you can't you see
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis
My velvet Elvis means the world to me

In my own private Graceland
In my own little shrine to the king
I don't want nothin' else
No, I don't need anything
Don't need no lava lamp
Don't need no soap on a rope
No pictures of Mexican kids with those really big eyes
Or dogs playing poker

When I'm at home watching my TV
I know the king is always looking down on me
He looks so handsome, he stands so tall
So glad he's big enough to cover up that hole in the wall

(Velvet Elvis) He's so fuzzy
(Velvet Elvis) He's so great
(Velvet Elvis) Never ages
(Velvet Elvis) Never puts on weight
(Velvet Elvis) Look at those rhinestones
(Velvet Elvis) He's just so fine
(Velvet Elvis) You can look but don't touch now
(Velvet Elvis) 'Cause he's mine all mine

Yeah
Well, Well, Milton Bradley's got a def one
It's a Twister (Twister, Twister, Twister)
Yeah, all the girls and homeboys
Playin' Twister (Twister, Twister, Twister!)
Spin the spinner and call the shot
Twister ties you up in a knot
That's Twister
Yeah, Twister

Check it
Right foot blue (Right foot blue)
Left hand red (Left hand red)
Left, Right, Yellow, Blue, Green
Yeah, Twister

Now, everybody's chillin'
With the Twister (Twister)
Wherever things are illin'
You'll find Twister (Twister, Twister!)
That's Twister
Yeah, Twister

Yeah buddy
You gotta get it
Yeah Twister
From MB

Oh some times I think back to when I was younger
Life was so much simpler then
Dad would be up at dawn
He'd be watering the lawn
Or maybe going fishing again

Oh and mom would be fixing up something in the kitchen
Fresh biscuits or hot apple pie
And I'd spend all day long in the basement
Torturing rats with a hack-saw
And pulling the wings off of flies

Those were the good old days
Those were the good old days
The years go by but the memory stays
And those were the good old days

I can still remember good old Mr. Fender
Who ran the corner grocery store
Oh, he'd strolled down the aisle with a big friendly smile
And he'd say "Howdy" when you walked in the door

Always treated me nice, gave me kindly advice
I don't know why I set fire to his place
Oh I'll never forget the day I bashed in his head
Well you should've seen the look on his face

Let me tell ya now

Those were the good old days
Those were the good old days
The years go by but the memory stays
And those were the good old days

Do you remember sweet Michelle
She was my high school romance
She was fun to talk to and nice to smell
So I took her to the homecoming dance

Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair
And I left her in the desert all alone
Well sometimes in my dreams
I can still hear the screams
Oh I wonder if she ever made it home

I tell ya

Those were the good old days
Those were the good old days
The years go by but the memory stays
And those were the good old days

Let me tell ya buddy

Those were the good old days
Those were the good old days
The years go by but the memory stays
And those were the good old days