Альбом Orange Island

Through it all and in the end, i find that it's easier to break than it is to bend because its hard enough when you say that you'll fucking say it anyway. with a set-up like that, you know you aren't in for a punchline because this won't be a joke and words thrown from the lips will leave you broken. and maybe being strong is the right thing to be but i've always been a little girl about things and being weak has always been a good excuse for substance abuse. and i've found that everyone has every good goddamn reason in the world to have a drink once in a while. and i know that i've had all of the fun in the world dulling everything out and sinking into the haze of the shattered. and sinking into the haze of the addicted.

Stand up and say your name. it's now your turn to voice your complaints of me since i seem to be such a terrible person and i seem to have done you all wrong. but, oh yeah, before you begin, fuck you! you can't suck me into your drama. i have real problems and, believe me, you never took the time to know them. so don't be expecting me to say "you're welcome." i wouldn't thank you if you saved my life. these are twelve of the twelve steps in a twelve step program. and everyone seems to think that they know me so well but they don't know shit. so listen up! because i don't need you to tell me my problems. i drink because i know them all to well.

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I've got no time at all except for all the time in the world to get my head out of my ass and stop living with regret. sleeping, tossing and turning, because my life is burning down old bridges and burning out. and maybe i should just stop wasting this time and start living up to what's mine. because i just used to be me and that used to mean something. but now my thoughts and my actions don't coincide. theres been a homicide, i've killed someone. someone inside my heart and soul. someone who used to be known. but pride and dignity have been thrown out the window. and maybe i should care. sleeping, tossing and turning because my life is burning down, and i can't leave this town because the bridge is out.

I try and try so hard pretending to be friends but it's not what it's cracked up to be. i'm slipping up again. it's time for this to end. i guess i'm not what i'm cracked up to be. but you don't know what it's like when it's all said and done. i fall flat on my face but i get back up again. this could be my last chance to be somebody else, someone i once was when you gave me my first chance. but i fally flat on my face just to get back up again. this will be my last chance. so, you've got to save me today from words that i can't say because you don't know what it's like to be me and when it's all said and done. but i guess this time it is mine to stop pretending that it's all said and done. i bet you don't know what it's like learning how to live. learning how to live with this.

So aren't you disappointed yet? wasting a kiss at a point in time when brothers betray and lovers fall from truth with eyes closed tight. putting too much stock in it, a touch, lock in on it because it's only cold at night when you sleep alone. so aren't you disappointed yet? mouth in fist at a point in time when no one's supposed to find out about it. but is it sill considered lying if it's through silence? out of sight, out of mind, right? but i have to ask. how do you sleep at night knowing it's all painted, knowing it's all fake? oil based, two faced and drowning. believing in what was someone else but leaving with what is something less than what it was worth. years of wasted time and energy. years of tasting wine all with me. does it hurt? you ask me does it hurt? (yeah it's fucking tragic) waking up on the wrong side of golden, eyes finally opened, when stooping low tends to be a trend for you. "i'm not a good person, i just play one on t.v." that should be your motto if you ask me.

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I'm getting sick of drunk words. i wish they could just stay sober thoughts but my big damn mouth can't keep shut. the only thing my lips are sealed with is booze and cigarette butts because i've crawled back into the bottle again and sailed off into space. so, ground control, this is major asshole. you're steering me right into a wall where the only thing i've let go of is myself. and believe me, i look like you feel, but only when you feel like shit. i guess that's just where my life is at and thats it. i'll just crawl back into the bottle again and sail off into space. so, ground control, this is major asshole. you're steering me right into a wall of alcoholism. so maybe we should stop drinking our own body weight's worth because i'm getting fatter by the minute and it's getting too hard to keep up. it never matters if it's one too few or one too many, i'll just always crawl back into the bottle again and sail off into space. so, ground control, this is major asshole. you're steering me right into a wall of alcohol and maybe the fun is over. and maybe it's not. over and out.

All this shit has left me with a clouded mind. or is it cloud nine? pretending today was a day and tonight was a night. it doesn't matter it was mine. it was our own, and i wouldn't trade it for anything but i'm not going to wade in it or wait with baded breath for it. those mornings we laugh for miles. mornings we're asleep for days. the alcohol just couldn't heal the wounds anymore and maybe i'll mean this apology. wait, let me clear my throat. (enter sarcastic tone) i'm sorry! it's just that when your elbows are on the pane and your face is pressed up against the glass looking at a world with no should haves or would haves or could haves, it's bound to crash down. it's bound to shatter. so we made maybe a word only whispered once. and maybe if the winter hadn't killed the sunsent and maybe if the summer air hadn't left you, i wouldn't have needed to walk for miles chasing fireworks with these wide-eyed friends of mine. i swear it snowed in august! because home never felt this cold.

You waste your life wondering about what will never be the same. and you can taste what you're thinking when it's about what will never go away. and you can dance with the elvis of denial, and you can dance with the devil of regret. but just know that there's a chance that they are both me. coping with the dreams of the comatose. hoping for the schemes of the hypnotist. and when all the girls you know seem to melt in the rain and all the friends you have seem to be blowing in the winds of change. you can never be sure if you or they are prepared to stay. well are you prepared to stay? with the elvis of denial and the devil of regret? coping with the dreams of comatose. hoping for the schemes of the hypnotist. both are a kind of sleep that i so desperately need. and maybe the bridges we burn will light the way. but i've always been deathly afraid of change.

Burn it down. for one last time let's set fire to these night skies and tear them down. wait. you won't save a place for us? where we can skate the town or drive around listening to battery's "until the end?" drink a private stock forty? maybe we should just play nhl '94. or, actually, why not go back to the beach? there's plenty more chicks to mee like we did that year. those years when we had always. don't you forget that you said you would stay. don't you forget that we're so happy you came. we won't forget. no, we'll never forget you because some of those are ones who go on and no one even knows their name. and, for one last time, you were more than just any other friend of mine. they try to tell me i'm wrong. well, don't try and tell me i'm wrong. they will all have their doubts but i won't turn around because i know that i fucking need you here.