Альбом LL Cool J

(Calling all cars, calling all cars...)
(Be on the lookout for a tall light-skinned brother with dimples)
(Wearing a black kangol, sweatsuit, gold chain, and sneakers)
(Last seen on Farmers Boulevard headed east)
(Alias L.L. Cool J)
(He's bad...)
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh...

No rapper can rap quite like I can
I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand
Not the last Mafioso I'm a MC cop
Make you say, "Go L.L. and do the wop"

If you think you can outrhyme me, yeah boy I bet
Cause I ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet
Trendsetter I'm better my rhymes are good
I got a gourmet plate that says I wish you would

And when rap begin then I gotta join in and
Before my rhyme is over you know I'm a win
Cool J has arrived so you better make way
Ask anybody in the crowd they say the kid don't play!

Sparring competition that's my hobby and job
I don't wear a disguise because I don't own the mob
Got a pinpoint rap that makes you feel trapped
So many girls on my jock I think my phone here is tapped

I'm bad
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C Cool J J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C C C C Cool J J J J J)

I'm like Tyson icin' I'm a soldier at war
I'm makin' sure you don't try to battle me no more
Got concrete rhymes been rappin' for ten years and
Even when I'm braggin' I'm bein' sincere

MC's can't win I make 'em rust like tin
They call me Jaws my hat is like a shark's fin
Because I'm bad as can be got my voice all waxed
Some brothers think he's making records now he must have relaxed

I couldn't shouldn't and it'll stay that way
The best rapper you've heard is L.L. Cool J
Kamikaze take a look at what I've done
Used to rock in my basement now I'm number one

And can happen on time never standin' on lime
You wanna try me first you better learn how to rhyme
I'm the pinnacle that means I reign supreme
And I'm notorious I'll crush you like a jelly bean

I'm bad

I eliminate punks cut 'em up in chunks
You were souped you heard me and your ego shrunk
I'm devastating I'm so good it's a shame
Cause I eat rappers like a cannibal they call me insane

I'm as strong as a bull of course you know I am pull
I enjoy what I'm doing plus I'm paid in full
Not Buckaroo Bonsai but busted out as I
Say the kind of rhymes that make MC's withstand I tie

Never retire or put my mike on the shelf
The baddest rapper in the history of rap itself
Not bitter or mad just provin' I'm bad
You want a hit give me a hour plus a pen and a pad

MC's they retreat cause they know I can beat 'em
And eat 'em in a battle and the ref won't cheat 'em
I'm the best takin' out all rookies
So forget Oreos eat Cool J coookies

I'm bad
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J J J)
(Cool J J J)
(C Cool J)

Never ever no never
Never wearin' no Levis battle me why try
I'll treat you like a stepchild so tell mommy bye bye
Sparrin' MC's and I'm a never get with
When I retire I'll get worship like a old battleship

L.L. I'm bad other rappers know
When I enter the center they say, "Yo, yo there he go!"
My paycheck's large Mr. Bogart in charge
Not a puncher or hunter from a rap cool large

The original Todd teachin' how to be hard
Take the skin off a snake and split a pea from a pod
You're a novice I'm noble and I decipher my tongue
Not Atilla the Hun but no I'm Threwler his son

My vulture's exact like rack and pinion in a Jag
You try to brag you get your rhymes from a grab-bag
No good scavenger catfish vulture
My tongue's a chisel in this competition sculpture

I'm bad
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(What you need that for?)
(Yo this is L.L. Cool J)
(And you'll never catch me so don't even try it)
(I'm too bad for ya, understand...)
Aaaaaahhhh... I'm bad!

[ VERSE 1 ]
I met this new girl with big juicy lips
And nice round hips, I mean her body's a trip
And when I go over her house, you know what I like?
The way she tells me "take it off" and never says "syke"
Yo, I'm never in need, she's feedin my greed
She never waits for me to ask, she takes the lead
Her tongue is sticky, and hickeys are her specialty
E wants her, but she saves the good stuff for me
Her name is Kanday, she's dandier than Dandy Don
You're mad and I'm happy that she put me on
I'll never leave her for nothin, only a crazy man would
That's why I had to tell ya that (I - feel - good) -->[James Brown]

[ crowd ]
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)

[ VERSE 2 ]
Now & Laters gum drops, jellybeans
Brothers beg for the leg, she's on the cheerleading team
It feels wicked, everytime I stick it, that's right
When we're alone she never ever acts polite
Hey yo, she blows me kisses, she does my dishes
I wished I bust two and she grants my wishes
She's clever in bed, she uses her head
She's the kinda girl that keeps a fat man well fed
Left to right all night, the chick's outta sight
I broke my lamp shade in half because I don't use a light
Man, she's juicy like a berry, chocolate with the cherry
Ask me if it's good and I'll have to say very
Wouldn't leave her for nothin, only a crazy man would
That's why I had to tell ya that (I - feel - good)

[ crowd ]
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)

[ VERSE 3 ]
I'm feelin gooder than good, if you wouldn't I would
If you could, I know you could, she's kickin back in the hood
When she starts to get off she can knock off a cough
I know 'cough' don't rhyme with 'boss', but she made me her boss
She's the talk of my room whenever I'm in my room
My little brother loves her more than his favorite cartoon
Her body's bad, the girl's built, skin like silk
Wet, steamy and warm just like a hot cup of milk
She's all the way live, keeps me satisfied
I don't go outside, I like to stay inside
Her ways are like a angel, with bright white wings
And I'm crazy 'bout the way Kanday shakes her thing
Wouldn't leave her for nothin, only a crazy man would
That's why I had to tell ya that (I - feel - good)

[ crowd ]
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
Whoooo!
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)

[ VERSE 4 ]
Ooh, you couldn't imagine, I'm lickin my lips
If she was tea I'd take a sip, when I'm in gym I do flips
I'm in love with the pizznoot, it's proper as hell
I'm hittin harder than hard, always makin her yell
She's cooler than an iceberg, word to the mother
In the house, down the steps and under the covers
Right away, no sation, or frontin, or playin
Or delayin, I'm never steppin off, I'm always stayin
Her mother knows me well, father hates my guts
He don't know when we're alone she's always feelin on my niggy-niggy-nuts
For a snack, cornflakes, crackerjacks
Day after day I try to break that back
And man, oh man, damn, you can't and I can
Last time I saw her with man I had to shake almost hands
I said "what up", he said "what up", "I took your girl, so what up?"
Gotta walk on the ground with a hole to fill up
All the boys laugh about her, Darryl and Dewayne
Bobcat and Earl, but they must be insane
Michael Spelling's on my side, and big Chuck the Grease
She's my private freaky deak, my own personal skeez
Wouldn't leave her for nothin, only a crazy man would
That's why I had to tell ya that (I - feel - good)

[ crowd ]
Whoooo!
(Who I feel good about?)
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
Whoooo!
(Real good, knowwhatImsayin?
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
(Candy sandwich, knowmsayin?)
Whoooo!
(Chocolate, vanilla)
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)
Whoooo!
(Sweet like a strawberry, knowmsayin?)
About Kanday
(I - feel - good)

[LL Cool J]
G, G, G, G, G, G Get...

[LL Cool J]
Down, to the rhythm that'll rock the walls
Go sportin and Jordans and I'm on the balls
Don't lackin I'm black but I'm not ?Lou Wrong?
Disappeared for a year now I'm back y'all
So get down with the entrepeuner of funk
Not a sloppy fat punk or a Shaolin Monk
Ain't down with Johnny Cousin know as use at a jam
So to hell with Anne McMahon & Tom McCan
J-Ski is the box, farmers is the street
Signing hungry-over-beasts that's why I always eat
Up to you to guess whose rockin the funky sound
If you don't know never mind come on and get down

[Chorus]
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.
Get Down
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.
Get Down

[LL Cool J]
Hard like haystacks cow-hold
Callin me a sucker boy you're pushin a broom
If you try to pull a ace you'll get a punch in the face
All eyes are on my posse when we walk in the place
Got a (???) family from my happy days
Not the boys that play the bench for the Oakland A
He drop you to a hop to the record he play
Couldn't keep it a secret I'm L.L. Cool J
Rhymes are all wack and real all real
Yo Earl, tell the party people the deal

[Earl]
Yo listen here
Ya ain't no thing, can't complain
They catch like a muh'fuck pass to J

[LL Cool J]
That's right I'm back he's talks how to rap
He used to Smurf now you're jackin cause my name's on the map
Sit and lie my homeboy Earl says is that he loves hats
With a hands like a hatcher, Cut Creators in bat
Cut Creator on the fader the teachers pet
Baddest man with ten fingers you've ever met
And sooner or later we'll have to sit
Cut Creator cut the record so they don't forget
Get down

[Chorus]
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.
Get Down
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.

[LL Cool J]
I make hard rock jams for hard rock fans
What I'm sayin is for real this ain't lala land
Got a can full of jams pullin off the lid
Competition in New York is doin what I did
Cold sender of a story I paid my dues
I rocked at house parties I was down with crews
Now I'll never be caught I'm on my P's and Q's
And for the rest of your life you wanna be in my shoes
I scar like stones hard like cement and I rocked every jam that I ever went
Cause I got a better reppin than any emcee has
And I'm down like a brother from Alcatraz
Get down

[Chorus]
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.
Get Down
Go L.L., go L.L., go L.L.

[LL Cool J]
Ni-ni-nigga-nigga-ni-ni-ni-ninja
I rap the boss is back the only man
you should call when the party's packed
From Paris to L.A they say I'm as sharp as a pin
When it's a Cool J party you gotta get in
So I'm makin big steps like Gladys Knight in the pier
One rhyme you're on my tensils as I leave my lip
Up the block kids are talkin and spreadin the news
About the new grandmaster the one you'll choose
Cause I'm chuckling I wanna stomp the rest
When I kick it couldn't bore it could only impress
I'm not a Hula-Hoop this isn't a passin phase
Hard work pays I'm gettin straight up A's
Cool J is runnin things I want it understood
Executioner I should wear a black hood
And carry an axe cause I'm ruff on wax
Speakers speakin ?phone-wear from durable? eight-tracks
Get down

(G, G, G, G, G, G, Get Down)

[Verse 1]

I know a fat girl, she wears a orange skirt
You give her twenty dollars and you can do work
She'll take food stamps and a traveller's cheque
Because her hair and her face and her life's a wreck
She wears a bright blonde wig, some high heeled pumps
She's down in the dumps so she's sellin' her rump
She's a hot little momma and she works every day
If you wanna pay to play, here's where she stays
She's at the...

[Chorus]

(Bristol Hotel) Room 515
(The Bristol Hotel) Where that at? (Jamaica, Queens!)

[Verse 2]

I seen her standin' there, slutty as could be
Offering the putty for a itty-bitty fee
Every red light she'll come over to your ride
Or she's standin' in the doorway tellin' you to come inside
The Bristol Hotel, cos it ain't no thing
And her meat tastes better than Burger King
Japanese executives in three-piece suits
Glasses all foggy when they come in the place
The girlies in the Bristol, they're all in cahoots
He fell asleep and got robbed, and cold chumped his face at the...

[Repeat chorus]

[Verse 3]

Party people check the story cos the story is ill
It's the story of two men, one Harold, one Bill
They went inside the Bristol on a Saturday night
Harold was cool but Bill felt uptight
The girlies made attempts but Harold played it cool
"Never ever rush, that's the golden rule
I been comin' to the Bristol's ten years of my life
A-yo, what the hell? Yo, man that's my wife!"

(The...)

[Repeat chorus]

[Verse 4]

You see, a Bristol girl is a one of a kind
And if you know her good enough she won't make you stand on line
She'll let you inside, make you pay for the ride
Take off her pants and then it smells like somebody died
You say "What the heck", because you already paid
Not knowin' that the guy that went before you had AIDS
Bang bang boogie, she was so amusin'
Next week you're at the clinic gettin' blood transfusions
At the...

[Repeat chorus]

(The Bristol Hotel) [till fade]

[ VERSE 1 ]
The President woke and he called the Pope
The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope
P.S. the Lord raised Michaelangelo from the dead
So he can make a fresh painting of my head
Then I hung out with a king and a queen
And the queen put me down with her polo team
The way I scored points all around the clock
I had her daughter, the princess ridin my jock
I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard
Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards
The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades
Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade
Then I played cards with the queen of clubs
The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love
As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men
Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend
The double-trouble spade was named the deuce
And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news
There was 52 cards, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[ VERSE 2 ]
Then I took a trip to the center of the earth
I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first
I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers
So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer
Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt
Two nice soft things right up front
The center of the earth ain't got no crime
Just people bodyrockin to the L.L. rhyme
If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is
It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz
There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[ VERSE 3 ]
Woke up late one afternoon
Realized I was in the world of cartoons
He-Man told me he'd beat me up
Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck
Then I hung out with Spiderman
He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band
The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums
Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum
Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone
But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone
Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse
He had two freaks, so we went to his house
Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def
So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left
They were cartoon characters, I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[ VERSE 4 ]
Since I'm a good friend of father time
I'm not gettin older as I say this rhyme
I was warmin the stove at the Alamo
Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show
I was down with George at the Delaware
But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair
Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull
We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull
Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest
You thought it was tabacco - the shit was cess
There was a lotta great men, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[ VERSE 5 ]
11:33, I swear it's no sooner
I went inside my TV, I met _The Honeymooners_
Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes
But I had my eyes on Alice's behind
Norton came down right about that time
Lookin in the frigde, so he could swine and dine
Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste
So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase
Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow
Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol
Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"
"Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it"
They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone
That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done

[ VERSE 6 ]
Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp
Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part
In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon
Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon
Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill
Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill
I searched for other ways, made love in caves
And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise
Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means
From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens
There's a lyrical technician who came to play
Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J
All of this is just a story that I made up
Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts
Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact
Not another common rap with a heavy drum track
A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote everyone
That story is over, and my rhyme IS DONE
HUH!

(LL Cool J)
That's right y'all this is the LL Cool J party
Move it, move it, move it, get on the floor baby
That's right, don't try to front like your fly
GET OUT THERE!

(LL Cool J)
To rappers I'm a nightmare on Elm Street
Hellafied hotter than heat, guess why the other's can't eat?
Cause I'm a carnivore and I can eat much more
than a fat man after a pack-a-jam
L.L.'s thicker than butter, well-known throw cutter
When I'm involved all the amateurs stutter
There's scared and can't believe that their whole crews
Ain't a rapper alive that can fill my shoes
I'm dope on a rope (???) water elope
I do the hustle and the shuffle and the roper dope
Cause I'm as hard as hard rock in the hard rock town
I gotta .357 and I break it on down

(LL Cool J)
Three hundred and fifty seven reasons
why you gotta get your butt on the floor right now
We ain't playin, we came here to get ill
Iller than ill, LL youknowI'msayin?

(LL Cool J)
Just like Ali Baba and the 40 thevz
So nasty you don't know whether to stay or leave
More fear then Evan Bluebeard I serve primrose
A picture of me is like a part of Michaelango's
I don't play the banjo will you ever understand yo
Servin I mean the matter how old I go Rambo
Cocks strong half a block wrong
Illy ill fire starter hittin harder than King Kong
Not a battle axe not one of the mill
Not easily knocked out or easily killed
Cause I'm as hard as hard rock in the hard rock town
I gotta .357 and I break it on down

(LL Cool J)
A hundred and ninety five pounds punk
More bounce to the ounce and I say what counts
KnowI'msayin?
Now get yourself on the floor
Stop actin like a sissy

(LL Cool J)
Boy, I'm better than better is, badder than badder is
I won't scare em or dare em I'll just splatter his
guts kick his butt while Bob is rockin the cuts
Wanna step in the ring with me you must be mushed
Now ices in a crisis afraid when he's ready or chasin when he's chasin
But filling when the scene I mean I'm icin and acin
Amateurs who like it can't hack it I attack it that's why I'm gonna crack it
The shell and the soul of little kids who can't roll
I told em, scold em, teach em and mold em
get paid ten knots at a time and then I fold em
I remember the blood and I remember what told em
I can, can't cause I'm down with E yet you have the audacity
to try and mess with him and me
Hypersonic is weak and Supersonic is wack
Sneak around at the minute like a Siamese cat
?Pellum? (1, 2, 3) catch twenty-two I'm H-A-R-D
I'm as hard as hard rock in the hard rock town
I gotta .357 and I break it on down

(LL Cool J)
Rock the beat now that can be arranged
Yo baby you look fine spread em
Yo homeboy get up against the wall put this in your pocket
Who is this?
Move it, move it, move it

(LL Cool J)
I'm a nappy, sappy crappy imitator of who
If I ever imitated it wouldn't be you, ooooh
You don't know so many have died when the LL growl was amplified
Get back better yet step back get dat
Like shaft in the Mack cause I'm mad and I'm black
I'm a perfect plan a good boyfriend
I'm the reason rap rules and the country out Cool J-A-M-E-S
Fresh as a cliche but so is my forte
This goes out whether the blues is old news
P's and Q's keep me in your shoes
and you're dissin me because I'm young and I'm strong
And cause I'm capable of makin a platinum LP
Wrong you was, you assumed I was all in
But boy is for ballin they'll never say I'm fallin
Callin all cars for the brother in black
L-E-L the Mack back bone of this track
I'm force full of force to put you on your back
Makin hit after hit while you sent for a contract
Hotter than hot now watch how hot I can get
Leavin rappers fee's dried and skimmer's dimmer's wet
I'm as hard as hard rock in the hard rock town
I gotta .357 and I break it on down

(LL Cool J)
Now the LL posse is now handin out speed knots
to all those who don't want to get busy
That's right baby get your body on the floor
Move it, move it
.357 at point blank range ain't nothin strange
you're havin a heart attack is at your back

[LL Cool J]
1, 2, 3 'o' clock 4 'o' clock ROCK
5, 6, 7 'o' clock 8 'o' clock ROCK
9, 10, 11 'o' clock 12 'o' clock ROCK
Gonna ROCK (What?) ROCK, ROCK around the clock
Three years ago in St. Albans, Queens
I was rockin at a park called one eighteen
Little kids stood and watched as I rocked the spot
Didn't know that years later I'll be standin on top
Livin near Farmers Boulevard I was born and base-shaw
Stopped the rich and shaked hands with the poor
And this is a story about a brother I know
Cut Creator on the fader no watch him go

[Chorus]
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go

[LL Cool J]
When back in the days before I clocked some dough
I used to go to the show and sit in the front row
Hopin and prayin one day I'll get on the road
So I had a feeler and a summer and I meet when I'm stoned
Not fearin a thought, got stung like a horse
Don't make fun of my posse, cause each man is a boss
When his only damn way to pull a jam out the crate
One time for your mind
Check out the guitar break

[Chorus]
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go

[LL Cool J]
This jam just wasn't enough for Jimmy Hendrix to see
He could do lessons of mixin take you under his wing
Straight from the heart cause it ain't the money that we came here for
Ain't no thoughts in the room ain't breakin no roles
And in the Rock 'n' Roll land, a big strivin plan
Just my posse learn the vocals what little they had
It's all about us three: Eve, Phil & Jay
He heard Cut Creator cut now check it out to play

[Chorus]
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go

[LL Cool J]
Rock, rock y'all check out the funky cut
It's like travellin through time to the straight cats strut
Cuts are slicker than Grease needle as sharp as a knife
We'll be do doin the doo for the rest of the lines
Wanna piece of the action, it's time to party, get up
Not a subway bummy singer puttin change in a cup
Wanna see you boogie, oogie jumpin up and down
Bitin your livin hold your breath until we come to your town
L-L-C-O-O-L-J-I-S-H-A-R-D-A-S
Cut Creator cut the record for me

[Chorus with LL in the background sayin "Cut it"]
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go

L-L-C-O-O-L-J-I-S-H-A-R-D-A-S

["Cut it" in background]
Go, go, go, go, ahh, go

[Chorus with LL in the background sayin "Cut it"]
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go, go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go
Go Cut Creator Go

L-L-C-O-O-L-J-I-S-H-A-R-D-A-S-H-E-L-L

[Verse]

Knuckleheads spreadin' gossip all over town
Every time I drive by you're just standin' around
Hundred-bottles in your pocket, forty-dog in your hand
Don't you know you're just a worker and your boss is my man?
L.L. this, L.L. that, soon as I walk in the place
I wanna take my gun and shoot you in your muthafuckin' face
You're playin' me too close with the schemin' and games
I guess the beef and the bullshit is the price of fame
Movies, records, goin' on tour
Twenty-thousand people hip-hoppin' on the floor
Whole parties body-rockin', and everything's chill
Get back to New York, and the suckers act ill
See I fought with the devil, made a promise to God
I have experience in goin' all the way to the top
It's harder harder than hard
All the suckers are barred
You used to try to talk down now your ego is scarred
See the problem is you want what another man has
His car, his wife, or his razzamatazz
But that's weak, you gotta do work on your own
cuz when you're rich you got friends
but when you're poor you're alone
So get your own on your own, it'll strengthen your soul
Stop livin' off your parents like you're three years old
Instead of walkin' like you're limp and talkin' yang about me
why don't you take your monkey-ass and get a college degree?
Or write a rhyme and ride a bike and try to live carefree
Hope my message reaches you before you're seventy-three
A old man, when people ask you what you did with your life
you'll say "I hated L.L. and I carried a big knife"
Every day is a chase, every day is a race
and every day you're being overpowered by my bass
Too much juice to be a deuce, I had to be a ace
It's like the fire's in my eyes and the gun's in my face
I'm stompin' stupid knuckleheads until they bleed
I'm the leader of the show, so it's up to me to lead
I'mma lead you away from drugs and petty crime
Lead you away from wack beats and rhyme
Lead you to that ticket line
so you can come in my show and watch the stars shine
Get busy, not dizzy, wanna teach the young
The last man who didn't listen ended up gettin' hung
Not that I killed him, it's just
He didn't wanna trust
the words of a master that's why you must
Take heed to the speech, it's gonna reach your ear
Don't try to say you can't hear cuz the words are clear
Throwin' flurries, punks scurry and I bury the rest
You better hurry up and rock a rhyme and give it your best
Cuz tonight's the night we gonna see the big fight
Twelve-gauge on the stage in case it don't go right
E-Love drives a tank, he's strong like a truck
If you're cryin' while you're dyin' we ain't givin' a fuck
L.L. Cool J is on the microphone
tellin' all you punk ducks "Leave me the hell alone"
Cuz I'm rated X, born to snap necks
Straight up and down, no special effects
I'm the professor, the teacher, the hip-hop dean
If Russia bombed the U.S., they'd be scared to touch Queens
Cuz that's where I live, and this is what I give
Turnin' top-notch crews into fugitives
They run, they frightened, they hide from King Titan
like a sniper when he's shootin' or a viper when he's bitin'
Here I am, tellin' the truth
and I'm spreadin' the word to my fellow youth
It goes man-to-man and jam-to-jam
I got hip-hop, rock, and love song fans
All you petty MC's in the state of New York
Gettin' a thousand for a show but you still wanna squawk
Can't get a decent contract, your beats ain't workin'
Dogged-out Pumas plus you're manager's jerkin'
Your mic sounds weak, remember that skeezer
I'm badder than Napoleon, Hitler or Caesar
I'm a hitman, but I'm not for hire
Fly girl's desire, the man you admire
Not only on the stage, I rock in the park
and I'm a killer in the daytime, and worse after dark
So don't never ever mess with the king of the sound
L.L. Cool J, the baddest around.

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love

Romance sheer delight how sweet
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete
You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle
I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat
kiss you on the cheek and say ooh girl you're so sweet
It's deja vu whenever I'm with you
I could go on forever telling you what I do
But where you at you're neither here or there
I swear I can't find you anywhere
Damn sure you ain't in my closet, or under my rug
this love search is really making me bug
And if you know who you are why don't you make yourself seen
take the chance with my love and you'll find out what I mean
Fantasy's can run but they can't hide
and when I find you I'm gon' pour all my love inside
I need love
I need love

I wanna kiss you hold you never scold you just love you
suck on you neck, caress you and rub you
Grind moan and never be alone
if you're not standing next to me you're on the phone
Can't you hear it in my voice, I need love bad
I've got money but love's something I've never had
I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all
I love you more than a man who's 10 feet tall
I'd watch the sunrise in your eyes
we're so in love when we hug we become paralyzed
Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal
you're as soft as a pillow and I'm as hard as steel
It's like a dream land, I can't lie I never been there
maybe this is an experience that me and you can share
Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet
I swear to you this is something that I'll never forget
I need love
I need love

See what I mean I've changed I'm no longer
a play boy on the run I need something that's stronger
Friendship, trust honor respect admiration
this whole experience has been such a revelation
It's taught me love and how to be a real man
to always be considerate and do all I can
Protect you you're my lady and you mean so much
my body tingles all over from the slightest touch
Of your hand and understand I'll be frozen in time
till we meet face to face and you tell me you're mine
If I find you girl I swear I'll be a good man
I'm not gonna leave it in destiny's hands
I can't sit and wait for my princess to arrive
I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive
I'll search the whole world for that special girl
when I finally find you watch our love unfurl
I need love
I need love

Girl, listen to me
When I be sittin in my room all alone, staring at the wall
fantasies, they go through my mind
And I've come to realize that I need true love
and if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen
I'll be waiting
I love you

I'm the Ladies Love, legend in leather
Long and lean, and I don't wear pleather
Last of the red hot lovin MC's
Lookin for a little, that's my theory
It goes quick like lightning, too exciting
Lover of ladies, don't allow biting
Level-headed leader, toy boy feeder
Good love life and a rhyme biter beater
Looking, learning, the one you're liking
Listen and you will love what I'm writing
Ladies love, long, hard and lean
And now you know what L.L. means

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Come on now

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Lightning in the sky, L.L. don't lie
I can hold a larger load than those other little guys
My literature is the land's highest law
The man of the brand, one you look out for
I'm loose like the lace in your brand new sneaker
Release the bass in your face like a large Vega speaker
Li-li-lis-listen to my rhyme
Here to satisfy the listeners who stood on line
Bought tickets to see me kick it and wasn't late
The love every little bit of the cuts he creates
First not last, leader of the class, see
From London, Long Beach, and down to Tallahassee
Ladies are pleased, I'm not wearin Lee's
The Kangol is mine, the godfather is E
I bust your lip, my level won't slip
Clockin crazy dollars on the L.L. tip
Come on!

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Come on

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Loose with the ladies, loud like a ref
When I die, there will be no lovers left
I'm the little girl liker, legendary writer
Let's see, I never lost cause I burn like a lighter
My love is long and my lyrics rock loud
Lurkin shadow in the shadows like Little McLoud
I'm the Ladies Love, lyrical lord in the club
Ladies Love, the man you dream of

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Never ever lost, not lonely or alone
You can call me the last Capone
Not a little kid playing with garbage can lids
Don't need a legal lawyer, I ain't doin no bid
Cause the ladies know my bass is low
Rockin L after L ever since the intro
Liberacce couldn't rock it like the long-legged pro
Two legs, not four like Lassie, I don't eat Alpo
Come on

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

All over the land they listen to my jams
Like a cherry lollypop when you're lickin your hand
I'm poppin and lockin, so I can give you a list
All of my lyrics are swift, so the losers never riff
I love givin em bliss, havin my name on the list
I'm the life of the party and my rhymes are priceless
Each jam is like a lesson other rappers must learn
Cold laugh cause they don't like it every time I return
Come on

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Come on now

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Come on now

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Sing along now

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

Everybody

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

L.L. Cool J wants you to get ill

[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!

[ repeated until end ]

L.L. Cool J
Servin em well
And as you all know..
I AM - HARD - AS HELL

Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn'
Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on
Then I reached for a brush since I don't use the picks
And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks
Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes
As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator's breaks
With hardcore - heavyweight - b-boy blast
Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator's fast
Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot
So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot
Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne
Then I called up Earl on the telephone
He told me 'bout a jam that I could do later on
10 g's plus a limo for one strong song
So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared
Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard
Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes
As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon
12 o'clock came, left the door crack
The freak walked in, a mink on her back
Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? on
Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm
We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons
She said, "L.L., when you're gonna let me taste your tongue?"
My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail
Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail
She left, Earl came over and we went outside
Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride
Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel
I'm not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal
The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex
But those who flex end up with broke necks
Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks
Said, "It's L, baby, I ain't down with Chic"
Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more
Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door
Due cause I'm a gangster people think I do crimes
They don't know I'm just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes
Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times
But he don't know my autograph's on his wife's behind
L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs
Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob
Don't run from the cops, makin suckers jock
And I'm only 18 makin more than your pops
Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys
And I dare any critic to call it noise
Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03
Said 'later' to Creator and broke out with E
Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake
Thinkin 'bout a 100'000 that I'd soon make
Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat
E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat
Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door
Since tonight is a bore I'm in the mood for more
We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time
It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine
L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam
With thousands of people screamin, "Touch my hand!"
But since I had a hour plus a half for tat
I was searchin for the cutie who's my perfect match
Her name was Renee, her face was okay
But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play
I said, "No need to rehearse," then I made my approach
Said, "You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach"
Said, "My name's L.L. - Cool, if I may introduce
But I'm not here for conversation, I'm here to seduce
Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind
Cause it ain't 5th grade, and these ain't nursery rhymes
And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore
Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors
So tell your buddies you're busy, tell your boyfriend beat it
Forget the silk dress,cause you ain't gonna need it
Unplug your clock, do away with the light
After five minutes or more you hear me say, 'That's right!'
Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy
When we make love you can call me daddy
I'm L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee
I'm not a toyboy, but I still wanna play
Promise you I'm not wack when I'm in the sack
After that I leave you starvin for me to come back
But in the meantime, put your digits down
And the next time I see ya I'm goin to town"
Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine
When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line
Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage
If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage
I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust
Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust
Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks
They said, "L.L., you're runnin late and it'is time to rock"
Told Cut Creator what the order would be
Then I said "Lord have mercy" and slapped hands with E
Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream
And that's the very moment I woke up from the dream
Aahh!

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