. . .
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there is a pain that comes
from holding on too long
a subtle knife that scrapes the veins
we both know i'm leaving
i'm already gone
even if i'm here today
the line that defines
the shape of our lives
slowly bleeds into gray
the line that divides
this world from my mind
can only lead me away
this ever present terror
of what each day will bring
that i won't find the strength
to live
alive enough to see
just how far away i am
from where i really need to be
. . .
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things in this world
seem so far away
once again i wonder
where i am
somewhere someone's
speaking
but i cannot hear
and once again it all
falls apart
but still i wait here trying
to find some remnant of myself
my days a dull aching
please tell me what
i'm waiting for
all my days are fading into one
all my days are fading
all my days are fading into one
all my days are fading away
things in this world
have never seems so gray
once again i wonder
what i've become
somewhere something's breaking
this world's so dead
when i cannot feel
what's in my head
but still i wait here trying
to find some remnant of myself
my days a dull aching
please tell me what
i'm waiting for
. . .
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one day you will find a letter
words escaping form a drowning man
giving in
losing hope
surrendering
to the hands of time
so hard to see what's leaving you
the youth draining from our eyes
so hard to feel what's killing us
the slow, collapsing of our lives
my hands have lost their substance
they slowly lose all shape before my eyes
always shaking
always thinning
always numb
always fading
in the light of day
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four corners, neatly cleaned
bone white clock
counts away
seconds of life
another year
passes away
quietly, carefully
wrapped
in promises of change
how many times must i look back
counting my mistakes
how many empty lives like mine
begin and end each day
slowly moving, shifting shapes
dead memories, wandering
lost
stealing my sleep
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i have memories
clouded by sorrow
of a time in life when blood ran through my veins
but these walls keep closing
suffocating
and now I'm trapped beneath the weight of my own loss
in the company...of my misery
i gasp for air, only to drown again
unending waves of memories
lifes only gift bestowed to me
...regret
every moment marks
a breaking of my heart
now i'm left alone
with this ghost that i've become
for years i've built this monument of pain
i must find a way
to never feel again
i made the mistake of wanting
something real, and i saw it die
i paid the price for thinking,
it was true when it was all a lie
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now in this silence
this silence of my life
empty words
fall
though this sound
like falls dead leaves
i float down this stream
waiting
for the waters
to drown me
why can i never say
what must be said
am i too afraid
that they
will take it all away
now in this silence
i watch as my life
fades away
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minutes pass
stretching lines into my past
people breath
in and out right next to me
closing hand
burning thoughts like a photograph
faceless frames of this life
lose all shape and color
and all this time the ground is rising
a broken body can never move on
i can see it clearly
i was never here
i can see it clearly
i've been dead all these years
paper thin
counting marks that stain my skin
lowered eyes
pass the grid of my window screen
tiled floor
just the same as the hours before
. . .
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. . .
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count the pictures
on the walls
this place, was it always
so empty
was everything the way
i remember
your image is dull and blurred
by the rust of time again
an era has come and gone
and everything that belongs
exists no more
the air i'm breathing
it is changing
one would think
memories are living
but behind these pictures
lies nothing
nothing at all.
. . .
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