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Jane Doe (04.09.2001)
04.09.2001
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Dear, I'll stay gold just to keep these pasts at bay
To keep the loneliest of nights from claiming you
and to keep these longest of days from waking you
For I felt the greatest of winters coming
and I saw you as seasons shifting from blue to grey
That's where the coldest of these days await me
and distance lays her heavy head beside me
There I'll stay gold, forever gold


. . .



You were most beautiful as the damage and the trauma
Pounding hard with battered wings of destiny
You were my last great war
You were my heaven ablaze
Riddled with faults and fractures
And I spent my last of days burning my oldest of bridges
And I spent my last of nights killing the best of friends
In the company of thieves, liars, beggers and whores
I'll lay waiting, just waiting for my time to come


. . .



And like that heart that got in the way
I'll become the lost cause
The child of burden and rage
Like the distance in your touch
Like the years we burned down
I heard that phone call
The hesitation, the ackward silence
I felt everything in those seconds
Splinters of sentence and heartless advice
Nothing's changed but these days entwined


. . .



Cheap lips, soft eyes, lost in the most blinding lights
As cold as those first nights alone
As the second best he'll become
Sleep deep, girl, dream well
That night, I think he cried himself to sleep
Just maybe, he felt more than we could ever know
And I think he pulled that trigger to empty that memory
I think he cut the weight to end the floods of you
Let him soar, let him ride as budding gravestones do
Just sleep, girl, just dream well


. . .



I have bled and I have given
the longest of rivers and the longest of ropes
And you're not grasping and my light is sinking on the horizon
Knee deep among your wreckage and uncertainty
with anguish my crown and heartbreak my throne
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope
I've lost count of the second chances
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope


. . .



Those nights we had and the trust we lost
The sleep that fled me and the heart I lost
It all reminds me
Just how callous and heartless the true cowards are
And I write this for the loveless
And for the risks we take
I'll take my love to the grave
As tired and worn it is
I'l take my love to the grave


. . .



Death to cowards, traitors, and empty words
To those adorned with the touch of rose petals
And the blessed gift of forgetfulness
For these are your years and days to outshine
Push on and soar higher
This is your memory
Your everything and the inbetween
Push on and soar higher


. . .



Death was just a simple glance across a dim lit room
And those eyes did it
Those three words did it
Those three words killed him
And I surrender to it all
Between you and me, I surrender to you
Forgive me for the sadness
And the bringing of you down
I just needed a lover and I needed a friend
And there you were
Running from forever like all the rest
Three simple words bled me dry
Three simple word bled us dry, bled us dry
I love you


. . .



And I write this to you my dear
For your eyes alone
I'm out of heart and these tanks are low
So cast your days to flame
And set your phoenix to flight
Let her turn to ash
Among those flourescent lights
Let your love drift deeper
Let her wings catch the sky
Just remember my name, girl
And remember what died


. . .



She burns as bright as the sun
and she falls darker than night
She shines as light as these days
And she fades faster than time
Phoenix in flames


. . .



In the want, the need, and this desperation
You'll find me as the time-bomb
As the last great stand in this history
When all our roads have been travelled
And all have come to a most bitter end
Today I thaw


. . .



These floods of you are unforgiving
Pushing passed me spilling through the banks
And I fall
Faster than light and faster than time
That's how memory works
At least in the dark where I'm searching for meaning
When I'm just searching for something
I want out
Out of every ackward day
Out of every tongue tied loss
I want out
Out of the burdening nightsweats
Out of the rising seas of blood
Lost in you like saturday nights
Searching the streets with bedroom eyes
Just dying to be saved
Run on girl, run on


. . .


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