Альбом Blue October

I black out in the room again
Busted lip and broken skin
I wake up in the bathroom
And dare not bother asking
Why the mirror's cracked and all I see
Are shards of glass inside of me
A voice is there to dare me
My father's here to scare me

My mother sits beyond the door
She's curled up, crying on the floor
"Look at what our son's done,
The weight of all the world's gone wrong."

Liars leave a guilty trail
And I've lied for years
That must be why I'm sitting in this space
Disregarding I've created monsters
On both of my sides
So I wipe the blood from both their eyes
From all four of their eyes

And while I wait for wounds to heal
I see you by the window sill
Your heart tore out
A plastic spoon
Honesty lit up the room
I steal the pillowcase to clean
This mess I'd made of someone's dream
Now you see what I've done
When the weight of all the world's gone wrong
Gone wrong... gone wrong...

This room is old and wise
I fall into the bed and wonder, "How did I get here?"
The little boy who would argue with a tree
Just thump his head and he'll turn back to normal
So why is this what I see?

Don't bother trusting
Don't bother waiting
Don't bother changing things that won't give in to changing.
Just let me go away.
I'm packed.
Let's go...let's go

It’s all about steam
It’s all about dreams
It’s all about making the best out of everything
You’ll know when your fine
Cause you’ll talk like a mime

You’ll fall on your face
You get back up and you’re doing fine
“a considerate clown, a preachy preachy machine”
is one of the sweetest things you would say about me
but I don’t have the time for your distorted esteem
why are you toying with my mind?

I don’t wanna hear you say it
Now you’re fucking with my pride

You think you’re smarter than me
Well everyone knows you will never be smarter than me
That’s how it goes
I gained forty pounds because of you
Was there an “S” on my chest
Well I confess, you were too much stress
I’d have a heart attack at best
So now I breathe it out, I breathe it out
I spit it on the crowd cause they lift me up, they lift me up, they lift me up

When I’m feeling down
What am I spitting out? spitting out, something we never talk about
It’s called my …mind

I don’t wanna hear you say it
Now you’re messing with my pride

I’m sick of standing in your line
So now you’ll have to take it
take this to heart
I will never let you fuck me over
Stop talking down to me your war is old
your game is over
So here’s my coldest shoulder

I don’t wanna hear you say it
Now you’re messing with my pride

Something we don’t talk about
Something we never talk about

I'm like a ghost
I'll be living in a dirt room
Waiting for the day to be close
To the window when you're home
I'll be standing by your back door
Reaching for the knife in my coat
I'm going to put it to your throat
Sweaty piggy, you're a bad man
What a fucking sad way to go
Your mother raised you as a joke
I should have wiped away a burden
Use the curtain in the kitchen to choke
You

You think you own me
You should have known me
You took the future and the food off my family's plate
You think you'll use me
I'm stronger than you
You take my money, but it's useless
We'll see what I do to you
Look what I do to you

Oh god then you awoke
You started screaming through the duct tape
Don't ever think I'm letting you go
I'm busy digging you a hole
Now you'll be living in a dirt room
Breathing through the straw of your own
Come on
I really think that this is fun for the money
I'll make it comfy for the time wasted making you rich
I want to cover you in ants, bees and honey
Then take a picture for the cover of our album!

You think you own me
You should have known me
You took the future and the food off my family's plate
You think you'll use me
I'm stronger than you
You take my money, but it's useless
We see what I do to you

You think you own me
You should have known me
You took the future and the food off my family's plate
You think you'll use me
But I'm stronger than you
You take my money, but it's useless
We see what I do to you

And now I see you, oh
'Cause your back's against the wall
And finally you're mine
You're mine

You think you own me
You should have known me
You took the future and the food off my family's plate
You think you'll use me
I'm stronger than you
You take my money, but it's useless
We see what I do to you

I really think that this is fun for the money
We'll make you comfy for the time wasted making you rich
I want to cover you in ants, bees and honey
Then take a picture for the cover of our album!

I dreamt you seduced me
Just to walk away
I dreamt you inspired
Then rewired what I say
I dreamt you spread your bottom wings
And pulled me to the bed
But then I woke up feeling nauseous
You danced around my head

Chorus:
So tell me
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
Down

I dreamt you burned my fingers
An automatic sting
I dreamt you called me beautiful
But asked to hear me sing
I dreamt you sat, invited me
To crawl within your space
But then I woke up feeling nauseous
Girl, you danced around my head

Chorus:
So tell me
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
How long, how long have you been down?
Down, down

Why can't we work when we both try?
We try, we try, we try
Why can't we work, we both try?
Why can't we work when we both try
Try, try, we we we try

I dreamt you seduced me
Just to walk away
I dreamt you inspired
Then rewired what I say
I dreamt you spread your bottom wings
And pulled me to the bed
But then I woke up feeling nauseous
Girl, you danced around my head

Chorus:
Tell me
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
How long, how long have we been down?
Down, down, yeah

So don't, don't get so far
Oo, say again
Oh, we been down
How long have we been down?
How long have we been down?
How long have we been down?
How long have we been down?
How long have we been down?
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Yeah yeah

Will you think of me in time
It's never my luck
So nevermind
I wanna say your name
But the pain starts again
It's never my luck
So nevermind

I had a dream that you were with me
It wasn't my fault
You rolled me over, flipped me over the somersault
and that doesn't happen to me.
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never
and I stood outside her heaven

Will you wait for me in time
It's never my luck
So I'll say nevermind
and I've lost a lot of what I don't expect to ever return
I tend to push them til the pushing gone from hurtin to burn
I always take them to that place I thought they wanted to go
then end up dancing round
this clown commands applause at his show

I had a dream that you were with me
and it wasn't my fault
You rolled me over, flipped me over like a somersault
and that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never
and I stood outside her heaven
Her heaven
Inside her heaven
her heaven

And I can only dream of you in sleep
and I never see sunlight again
I can try to be with you but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.
And I can only reach for you
relate to you
I'm losing my friend
Where did she go
Where

I had a dream that you were with me
It wasn't my fault.
You rolled me over, flipped me over a somersault
And that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
but I saw forever in my never
and I stood outside her heaven
stood outside her heaven
stood outside her heaven
Won't you let me into your heaven

Stop staring, you’re the reason I feel so unhappy all the time
I’ve given you everything I know how
Your standing on the top of my shoe
keeping me from gaining ground
I’m sorry if you feel like I let you down

Can you tell me what have I done so wrong
To you
Tell me what am I supposed to do

“I should be loved by you,
That I know is true
But I cant breathe when you’re around!”

“I should be held at night
That I know is right
But I cant breathe when you’re around!”

You’re too scared,
Scared of all of it …I get that feeling I’m talking to the wall
Can you hear me at all
My world was shaking my mind was quaking, my heart kept breaking
I threw it against the wall
Can anyone feel me at all

Can you tell me what have I done so wrong... to you
Tell me what am I supposed to do
I got a feeling, you’re falling out of love with me
Tell me who am I supposed to be


“I should be loved by you
That I know is true
I can’t breathe when you’re around!”

“I should be held at night
That I know is right
I cant breathe when you’re around!!
Look I can’t breath!”

So why can't i be fine
so why just get by
so why just get by
so i..

i kissed her on the cheek and then i waved goodbye
it was the saddest look i've seen in years - a kangaroo cry
a warm pathetic ocean flow we have to live by
we have to live by
we have to live by..

so why
can't i
just be fine?

i kissed her on the cheek and then i waved goodbye
it was the saddest look i've seen in years - a kangaroo cry
a warm pathetic ocean flow we have to live by
we have to live by
we have to live by..

i know it's so hard
i know it's hard to..
keep hanging on
just keep hanging on

yeah, i know it's so hard for us to
keep hanging on
just keep hanging on
just hang on

just keep hanging on

and i thought for a second
what if that was us?
did i tell the one i love..

and i thought for a second
that could've been us
and did i tell the one i love..

so for now i'll just hang on
for now i'll just keep hanging on
just hanging on
hanging on

I really need to talk with you
I keep stepping on the vein
That keeps my lifeline flowing thru
I wanna be your perfect stick of glue
But I don’t feel perfect at all
Sad and insecure flaw

I find it hard to hold conversation
I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away
Its not you its strictly me in this situation
I’m wondering will it ever go away…just go away

sometimes I feel like weeping
awake and when I’m sleeping
perfecting how to put a game face on

this puzzle I’ve been keeping
has been in hiding creeping out the closet door
spilling out onto the floor

How long will I be picking up pieces
How long will I be picking up my heart

I’ll be as honest as I feel
I’m getting more paranoid and I’m hearing things
And they never turn out real
It feels like my heart is made of pure steel
It’s just so heavy all the time

Yea I’m scared of death
And I’m scared of living
I gave up on the past cause it’s unforgiving
I misplaced my trust

I watched my word begin to rust
I’m a balloon about to bust
I need a place for reliving

But sometimes I feel like weeping
awake and when I’m sleeping
perfecting how to put a game face on

this puzzle I’ve been keeping
has been in hiding creeping out the closet door
spilling out onto the floor

How long will I be picking up pieces
How long will I be picking up my heart

How long (in another space and time)
Will I be picking up pieces in the corner of my mind
How long (its getting oh so hard to find)
Keep picking up pieces in the corner of my mind
But I still walk on

Remember how you used to say
“you couldn’t wait till tomorrow for a brand new day”
no fuss when ya had to ride the bus
you could add a little blush
just to paralyze your school crush

now your older and the weight upon your shoulder
makes the world a little colder
no more hidin in the old days
be strong
don’t give up hope
it will get hard
cause life’s like a jump rope

up down when it gets hard remember life’s like a jump rope

there’ll be a bump there will be a bruise
there’ll be alarms and there will be a snooze
there’ll be a path that u will get to choose
there’ll be a win and there will be a lose

you have to hold your head up high and
watch all the negative go by
don’t u ever be ashamed to cry
you go ahead
cuz life’s like a jump rope

I want to tell u that everything will be okay
That everything will eventually turn itself to gold
Keep pushin through it all
Don’t follow, lead the way
Don’t lose yourself or your hope

Remember life’s like a jump rope

Chorus:
Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Don't take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Cause I'll never stop

I've been to both knees
Raise my hands up to the skies, forgive me
Is something out there far beyond the clouds?
I'm asking help me
Help me to see the world
Through baby eyes and hold me closely
I need a fresh start on the roller coaster
Made for coasting
It's time to wake up, time to make up
Time to shake these memories
It's time to leave the past in the past
And lace up a new set of shoestrings
I want the world to know I've got your back
Through up and down, see
So we can sit together, side by side
Through amazing

Chorus:
Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Don't take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Cause I'll never stop

So I've broken every bone
And fought through what felt never-ending
I thought my head was made of sadness
But my heart is mending
I scream at sunsets
Give applause to what I can't control
Then somehow laugh at how
The moon divides an ocean solo
I wanna be that ocean
I wanna shine like that
I want to smile so big my daughter jumps into my lap
And I wanna tell her daddy's fine
And always plans to be
Then take her in my arms
This is what we'll always see

Chorus:
Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Never take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Yeah, shhh

And when I'm gone
I won't go screaming in the end
I'll give you everything my life amounts to
So raise your life up with me
And baby, let's go dancing
Come on!

Chorus:
Blue skies
Calling on blue skies
Don't take them away, boys
Don't take them away
Cause I'll never stop

Well I've broken every bone
And fought through what felt never-ending
I thought my head was made of sadness
My heart is mending
I scream at sunsets
Give applause to what I can't control
Then somehow laugh at how
The moon divides an ocean solo
I wanna be that ocean
I wanna shine like that
I want to smile so big my daughter jumps into my lap
And I wanna tell her daddy's fine
And always plans to be
Then take her in my arms
This is what we'll always see

Chorus:
Just blue skies
Keep calling on blue skies
I'll never take them away, little girl
I'll never take them away
Cause I'll never stop loving my blue skies

Blue does
Everything I’ve never seen before
Blue does everything I’ve never seen before

She’s the answer to the prayer I hadn’t found
She’s the answer to the silence…she’s my sound
Oh what a girl
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is

Blue does
Everything I’ve never seen before
Blue does everything I’ve never seen before

She’s the answer to the prayer I hadn’t found
She’s the answer to the silence…she’s my sound
Oh what a girl
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is
Oh what a girl
Oh what a beautiful girl …..she is

Here alone, standing barefoot in our lawn,
Worms squeezing their way through my toes
Tonight that’s how it goes.
I’m at your window kneeling quiet,
I thought at least I’d maybe try to get your head right
Get your heart right
“Let him go!”

Then through the glass I see your dress fall to the floor
As he embraces every inch of you
The woman I adore.
I can’t believe the way you’re bending
Can’t believe this neverending moaning asking him for more
I heard you begging him for more

How far will I go
To make it feel right? “Come home”
I have to fix this on my own

Replace my heart,
Cause I’m convinced mine broke the day I let us end
Replace my heart,
I don’t wanna live by coping, I’m done with hoping…..end

I creeped in close enough to see the way he touched her,
From her feet across her knees, inside her sweetest spot
he pleased and pleased her.
I turned around and tried to take control, but no control was capable
It was a centerfold of how less than low can possibly go.

I squeezed the life into my brain
Like pushing knives into a vein
I’ve gotta get, I’ve gotta get, I said I’ve gotta get inside
So to the back window I crawl in silent standing in the darkness
Of my living room, my living room
This used to be my home

How far will I go
To make it feel right? “Come home”
I’m moving forward to the bedroom door

Replace my heart
Cause I’m convinced mine broke the day I let us end
Replace my heart
I don’t wanna live by coping, I’m done with hoping…end

I turn the doorknob with two fingers to be slow
Enough to sneak into the room among the corner darkness gloom
I had to see this happening.
He pushed himself so deep inside her clapping rang and bounced off every wooden walled room
And that’s when all went silent blank except the color red
As I walked calmly numbing paralyzed beside the bed
I said “I know I’m not allowed to be here. I just had to see
How good this new man really fucks you. Cause you both been fucking me.”

“So now I planned the last thing you can both do as a pair
I tie both blindfolds tight around your fucking eyes to blind your stare
I don’t want to alarm you, but I figured we could end this in what seems easy quick and painless
So I’ll get down to business
I choose you first, there’s a gun, its at your head
So laugh at me just one more time but keep your face inside the bed
You sit and watch me while I do this shit and learn from what I’ve said.”
I cocked the pistol pulled the trigger, and all I saw was red

Then the screaming oh the screaming
It’s nice to see you scared
Of such a weak and stupid husband
Who knows you never really cared
I’ll leave you with a question that I need to hear from your head
Was all this worth it knowing u have just seconds left to live?

Now think about your answer, laying face down on the bed
I cocked the pistol pulled the trigger and all I saw was red
I gently stroke her arm as she lies lifeless on her back
Then placed the barrel in my mouth
All I saw was black.

Describe the pain
That choked your reality
It’s all in your mind he said
You have to go graceful dancing

I closed the door on the war I started last Halloween
I’m gonna be fine again
I have to keep graceful dancing

Here we are
You’re a superstar on your own
And I’m looking over your shoulder, getting older
And god only knows

That here we are
And you’re a superstar on your own
Yea here we are

The sunset rains, like a bullethole
Trees only seem for hanging
The moon is a target range
And rivers seem only for drowning

You ball the blame
Then you starve to finish your painting
Its gonna take time my friend
You have to keep graceful dancing

Here we are
And you’re a superstar on your own
And I’m looking over your shoulder getting older
And god only knows

Here we are
And you’re a superstar on your own
Here we are