. . .
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I have traveled so far to find so little
meaning in tragedy or tragedy
in the search for meaning
dark clouds have lead me here
confined freedom
guides us to security
what if everything
i have been taught is a lie
and all of my teachers
have been wrong this whole time
compelling us to fight
the battles they would not
they have already won
and we have already lost
if we don not learn from their mistakes
we have already lost
if we do not learn to change
. . .
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That night i never came home
wandering souls captured my thoughts
emptiness filled my mind
urgency spoke her lies
in the confines of these grey walls
i watched them move together
taking me places i cannot remember
we have been poured out
into a loveless bride
how quickly i forget
that this is meaningless
in a world passing through my fingers
i still chase the wind
what have i learned from yesterday
. . .
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How could we lose sight
of what matters most
trying not to love
what cannot love us back
all we have is not worth living for
if we do not know when to let go
what is this life
that we sling to it so tight
afraid that it will take from us
these fading sentiments
can we die to live another day
. . .
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For so long i have felt alone
content to live with unrest
longing faded into countless nights
that buried my weary heart
but you brought an end
to this dead hour
and meaning to a calloused life
held in your arms
but too far from my heart
these thoughts will carry me through
the darkest nights
while your eyes rested in mine
i remember the way you looked at me
and the way you drew me close
with one deep sigh
scattering pieces of my restless mind
forgetting all that we have left behind
. . .
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I've watched them build
upon these empty hearts
false hope of the lossless paradise
gathering together
the dead hearts beat as one
stillborn comfort feeding lies
through the answer of self denial
divided between a dissolute self
and the sorrow of sincere devotion
what is it that you find peace in now
where is your hope in this dark night
. . .
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I laid the night before me
unraveled the tangles of my heart
all i felt was stale hallow air
these streams of uncertainty
they are collapsing upon my mind
torrents fill my veins until i burst
with mistaken guilt and shame
my battered bones
try to keep fighting
against the endless ocean of self defeat
as time goes on
some months are yet to pass
puddles of ink
surround this tired chair
all of my own sorrow has been spilled
into my reflection
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This is what i am
this is what i have become
what is love without sacrifice
my tears hold no weight
if my commitment is only failure
each day i am born again to be
a child in the eyes of love
repeating yesterday
drain me of my very last essence
to form again what lasts
. . .
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Only through struggle have i found rest
with a piece of me taken away
i begin to understand
hollow out this machine like chest
with its gears that turn to make me feel
and assembled thoughts that fade away
remove from me
this deception that i call love
. . .
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White shutters enclose
the boundaries of my heart
i gold my breath
till the steady beating is shut out
in silence i wait for what is real
for i know the truth of my perceptions
nothing in life matters more than you
when first feelings fade
i will still be here
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Control is dead in this blind world
for we do what we hate
split from inside
betrayed by emotion
we must look past
what is in front of us
shadows are security
they have become the solace
of my looking glass heart
in search for certainty
i no longer need control
take me through the fire
refine what is yours
it is time to overcome this
we must look past
what is in front of us
. . .
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All along it was me who changed
morning now waits for me
what in have to gain does not matter
if what i give is all to you
i have seen the stars fall
and the sun rise again
but you are yet to change
you are all that is worth living for
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How could i ever go back....
back to the life
where i lived amongst the dead
those who have forgotten how to feel
and become slaves to memory
and wishful thinking
but your love has set me free
as you've awakened every start
that has been sleeping
in the constellation of my soul
how could i go back
to live amongst the dead
those who imprisoned beauty
i never want to leave your arms
so i wait in hope for your embrace
illusions of what i thought was love
now i have clear sight
to see i've left nothing behind
. . .
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